


Coffee Shop Co-Op

by Hadithi



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: A lot of music references, F/F, F/M, Scott Pilgrim-esque, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2020-11-26 23:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20938649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hadithi/pseuds/Hadithi
Summary: Lapis and Steven do everything together - work a shop, jam in a band, fight the gem monsters that constantly try to destroy Beach City, and everything's great as long as they repress all their feelings and never, ever talk about any of the incidents that caused them.Which is fine, as long as resident Hacker Peridot doesn't spend all day in their coffeeshop with her kitty face smile. And as long as Connie isn't so qualified as a Swordfighter they have to give her a job. And as long as no one asks Lapis how, exactly, she managed to get so many levels in Water Witch. And as long as no one asks why Bard Steven has all his skills listed under some weird Diamond class.Well. This is a disaster.  [ON HIATUS]





	1. Lapis 1: Party Up

Lapis and Steven were best friends. This was mostly because they loved each other dearly, but also because Steven didn’t have very many friends, and because Lapis refused to make any more friends. The two of them did most of the day to day work of the co-op coffee shop, with the other three owners typically being far too busy being heroes to actually bother doing the shop running. Though, one of them had quite the talent for seeing the future, which meant neither of them ever had to worry about ordering.

The most common thing Lapis Lazuli had to worry about were guys hitting on her, which happened frequently because she was twenty-seven, pretty, and a very femme lesbian. She had gotten pretty good at dealing with them, though, and it wasn’t something she needed to be concerned about now as she looked around the empty shop.

It was around eleven, a little before the lunch rush and after the morning commute hell. The little square shop hosted a few tables clustered around a stage in the left corner. To the right was a bar that boxed her in, the counter able to flip up in one spot for easy in and out, though she preferred to hop it. In the middle of it all was a bunch of empty tables. To the side was a very comfy empty couch.

It should have been perfect. Lapis didn’t have to do her job at all, the shop had wifi, she had a fully charged phone… But she wasn’t good at dealing with the fact that her twenty year old best friend appeared to have hit puberty in the past few weeks.

“Is that girl you’re creeping on back on the beach?” Lapis asked him. “Or are you actually looking out for gem monsters for once?”

“It can be both,” Steven mumbled, his fingers tracing shapes along the previously cleaned windows, just under the Now Hiring sign.

It was not an uncommon sight at Rose’s Fountain Cafe for the 6’2, husky boy Steven to be pressed against the front glass like a linebacker struggling with the concept of clear walls. He had lazily looked through the windows plenty of times before the girl had shown up, usually scoping out the beach for the monsters that terrorized their shop and occasionally killed them, which was very inconvenient.

“You’d get a better view outside,” Lapis pointed out.

“I’m working,” he mumbled.

She looked around at their clean, empty shop. “Are you?”

His eyes slid sadly to the floor. “And she might see me if I go outside.”

“There it is.” She scoffed. “Seriously, Steven, you can’t even talk to a girl? What kind of Bard are you?”

“Not that kind of-” Steven cut his groan off with a bright smile as someone approached the door, switching into cheery customer service mode. “Good morning! Welcome to Rose’s Fountain Cafe!”

The customer in question was a short blond with bright green eyes and wild, messy hair. Every line in her face was deep with exhaustion as stumbled through the door and stared at him. “Terrible morning. I just died.”

Cute. The girl had good proportions, a cute face, an emotional voice. Not exactly Lapis’s usual type, but she wasn’t the kind of girl to limit her options. Lapis took the cutie’s hand and lead her to the counter. “Yeah, we get that a lot. We’re next door to the respawn point. We’ve even got a revive special - four shots of espresso and heavy cream, plus one shot of whatever flavor you’re in the mood for. Caffeine to get you through the day, calories to help your body. Eight bucks. Our bard can make it magic for another five.”

“You’re an angel,” she whispered, flopping over the counter. “No magic. Vanilla, please.”

“Perfect. I wasn’t in the mood to sing harmony anyway,” Lapis said, punching in the order.

The woman sighed, continuing in her scratchy voice, “Today was supposed to be relaxing, you know. I went on a boat ride.”

“Cool. Name?” Lapis held her fingers poised above the keyboard.

“Uh, Peridot.” She looked around the small, completely empty coffee shop. “Is that really necessary? No one’s here.”

“I don’t think hard enough about my job to adapt to new situations,” Lapis said flatly.

Peridot swiped her card, and watched as Lapis strolled off towards the grinder. “So, uh, I went on a boat ride this morning. It was supposed to be a break from my job. You know, enjoy the new town, appreciate the ocean. But some giant worm smashed it and me in one hit.”

Lapis smirked, pouring cream into the cup. “Wow. Must be a real tanky class, huh?”

“I’m a Hacker. Noncombat class, but it’s still pretty useful. What about you?” Even without the coffee in her hands, Peridot was looking much more awake - getting up on her tiptoes to watch Lapis as she worked. The grin only widened as she caught the nametag. “Lapis! That’s a nice name.”

She tamped down the grounds and ran two double shots on separate machines. “I’m a Water Witch, and you’re pretty chatty for a girl who was just taken out by an overgrown sea slug.”

“I’d rather be taken out by-” Peridot began, then stopped with a blush. “Uh, sorry. Don’t mean to hit on you while you’re at work. I’m very tired. Disoriented. I mentioned I just died, right?”

Lapis poured the four shots into one tall cup. A single shot of vanilla syrup, a little swirl, and a quick scribbling on the side finished it up. She slid it across the counter with a grin, delighting in watching as Peridot’s cheeks darken as she squeaked, “Wow!”

“You should call that number as soon as you’re feeling better.” Lapis leaned across the counter to get on eye level with the much shorter girl. “I like a girl who knows when she’s being rude.”

“Lapis! We’ve got trouble!” Steven shouted. He rushed from the shop, a shining pink shield flaring to being in his hand.

Lapis followed, albeit much slower. “Duty calls. I’m going to lock you in, alright? Be back in ten.” She hopped lazily over the counter, soaring over Peridot’s astonished head.

Steven was already down by the beach while Lapis was flipping the sign from open to closed. By the time she had looked back to them, a gem monster had risen from the waves - long and transparent down to its reddish core. It screamed, as gem monsters were wont to do, and dove for the girl Steven had been gawking at for the past few weeks. Who, Lapis noted smugly, was apparently too wrapped up in her book to pay attention to her surroundings. Looked like she wasn’t exactly a combatant either.

The scream did catch her attention, though, and the dark skinned girl scrambled out of the way. Her hand barely managed to grab her bag in time before the monster dove into the sand, sending up a spray that hid most of the beach from view. Lapis noted there wasn’t a scream from the girl, and moved her pace up to a jog. Maybe she had been knocked out with some kind of invisible attack?

By the time the sand cleared, she saw Steven standing between the worm and its victim, his shield taking the blows from the angry monster. “Lapis!” he called out. “I could use a little offense!”

She smirked. “What, you can’t talk it down?”

Lapis called to the ocean, and it answered, the harmony of her and the sea buzzed through her bones, rattling through her skull. The ocean whipped out in ropes of water, swirling and twisting over the gem monster’s body. It screamed and struggled, and she felt every yank at the slowly tightening chains as a tug at lungs, making it hard to breathe. If she kept it up for much longer, it would start to feel like drowning.

Her fingers snapped closed into a fist, and the water crashed down, slicing through the monster’s form like wire through clay. The segments fell, some turning into smoke before the hit the ground and some sending up a wave of sand before they vanished. She released her water, and it sunk down slowly into the sand, leaving dunes and a gem as the only reminder of the fight.

“And you thought there’d be…” She grinned at Steven, but he was already by the downed nerd to her feet. Lapis scowled. “Trouble.”

The girl had looked so small on the ground, but upright she even had a few inches over Steven - lanky and thin compared to his sturdy frame. Steven gawked and the girl gave an eager smile and said, “Hello, I’m Connie. I’m six four.”

“What?” he blinked, still gawking.

“Everyone always asks how tall I am. Easier just to say it upfront. I’m six four. I’m a Swordfighter. I’m Connie Maheswaran.” She stuck out one hand for him to shake and used her other hand to sling her duffel bag up over her shoulder. Steven took it, shaking it in slow awe. “Thanks for saving me out there. I was caught up in my book and didn’t see it until the last second. With you two around I didn’t even get the chance to pull my sword.”

He beamed. “Y-Yeah! No problem! I’m Steven Universe. I’m a Bard, but I’ve got a lot of weird class stuff going on. Have I met you before? Your name sounds really-”

Lapis frowned. “Steven? Want to bubble it before it reforms, or do I have to take this thing out twice?”

He flushed, kneeling by the gem in the sand. “You could’ve bubbled it, Lapis.”

She had already turned to the nerd. She crossed her arms as she looked her up and down. Loose clothes, a big t-shirt, sweatpants…and what Lapis could see seemed slender and curveless. She said skeptically, “You don’t look like a Swordfighter. Aren’t people in your class built a little more… stocky?”

“Depends on the style. I’m more focused on mobility than power.” Connie shrugged, but continued on eagerly, “You were amazing! I’ve never seen water magic like that before! Is that your skill? Were you-?”

“And a Swordfighter should really have better situational awareness,” Lapis continued on. “That gem monster was nearly on you before you dodged. Beach City is a hotbed for this stuff. You can’t completely zone out and read a book on the beach unless you have someone else keeping watch.”

Connie cleared her throat. “I’m, uh, new in town. Just started at Ocean Town University. Living here for the cheaper rent. There’s a housing shortage there. You know, from those ruby monsters last year?”

“There was so much fire,” Steven whispered, remembering the horror now that the worm monster was safely bubbled and sent to the shop. “Anyway, don’t worry about us saving you. It’s kind of our job to watch this section of the beach. Not, you know, paying jobs or anything. More like a responsibility? Anyway, we were happy to protect you.”

“We should go back to the coffee shop, Steven,” Lapis said, taking his hand and giving it a tug. “Come on. We’ve got a customer in there I just gave my number to. It’s weird to leave her there for long.”

He slipped his hand out of hers, frowning slightly. “Then you go talk to her. Won’t I just get in the way of you getting a date?”

She crossed her arms. He wasn’t coming and she couldn’t just leave him alone on the beach with Connie. Steven wasn’t supposed to like girls. Steven wasn’t supposed to want to spend time with people more than her. And he definitely shouldn’t do it just because some nerdy college student with a cute face decided to give him the time of day.

“So, it’s a break?” she asked. “I should clock you out?”

He rolled his eyes. At her. Lapis felt her rage spike, magic starting to buzz at her bones as he said, “Okay, yeah. Clock me out for talking to a person we just saved like I talk to every person we save. You…” He stopped, all the annoyance vanishing in an instant. “Lapis, are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“I’m sorry. You’re clearly in the middle of something.” Connie laughed nervously. “But, uh, you guys aren’t talking about Rose’s Fountain, are you? The one just over there?”

Steven perked up. “Yeah! Why, do you want a drink? We make some great ones.”

“That’d be nice, but…” She dug into her duffel bag and held out a resume. “I’ve done barista work before. I was actually wondering if I could apply for the job?”

Lapis felt her lungs suddenly choke for air. Steven and Connie squealed with shock as rain droplets came down on them both, as her uncontrolled magic churned up the ocean behind her. Despite all that, Lapis kept her voice quite steady as she said, “Leave your resume. We’ll call you.”


	2. Lapis 2: Now Hiring

Ordinarily, Lapis would have had Peridot in her bed and out her door by the next day. That was how you moved a one night stand along. There was no room for cute text messages or dates or even delaying the inevitable wild night. Waiting would make it harder for everyone. Waiting might give the impression this was something to take slow and think about.

But when she had gone back in the shop, Peridot was gone. There was a hastily written note on a napkin: _Sorry, I’ll text you later. My boss needs me to come in right away._ So there went her opportunity to flirt her up and make it clear the goal was casual fun. Yet another wonderful gift from the incompetent Swordfighter that Steven was apparently so smitten with that he spent the whole day moping. Connie had needed to rush off and catch the bus without much conversation.

Lapis had gone home, thrown on everything from Iggy Pop to Black Sabbath to Disney movie soundtracks in the hopes of finding some music to drown her frustration in. Normally, when she was feeling this way, she’d call Steven and he’d spend an hour sending her song after song until her mood lightened and she was ready to face the afternoon, but Steven wasn’t really an option tonight.

The thought left her cold and angry, and her studio apartment suddenly seemed so small and empty despite the clutter and the band posters on the wall. So she grabbed the copy of Connie’s resume and glared at it, picking over every detail. She was nearly nineteen, with two years of experience, which was short but it wasn’t like she could have been working in coffee shops since she was twelve. Her education section was packed full, clearly struggling to look impressive, with a million extra curricular activities. Her Swordfighter section was…

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Bullshitter. Seriously?”

She flipped open her laptop and flopped into her queen sized bed with a smirk. This was going to be nice. There could be nothing sweeter than going into work at five in the morning, armed with a stack of papers from her garbage printer, all to prove to Steven that this wasn’t the kind of girl he should be crushing on.

As usual, her dreams fell apart pretty quickly.

—————

"Steven." Lapis held up a printed page with a grave grimace as he walked up to the shop. "We have to hire her."

"Who, Connie? Lapis, did you print a web page to show me? Are you a thousand years old?” He laughed as he tugged out his keys. “I have a phone."

She had no idea how he could possibly be this awake and jokey at five in the morning. Lapis had been waking up this early for years and every day was still hell. She pushed the print into his hand with a growl. “Just read it!”

Steven’s eyes flicked over the title. "National Bladed Weapon Championship Winners. You want me to read the whole thing?"

"Just look at the last three years!" She hissed, jabbing her finger next to the page. "Connie Maheswaran. She's a beast. And I hate her. And we need to hire her because she might actually protect the store as well as you do."

Steven started to smile. "You want to hire her?"

"Stop being happy right now, Steven." Lapis glared. “You could take her in a fight. I could take her in a fight. She just happens to be a little bit better than average at her weakass basic class.”

He giggled, “And you want to hire her?”

"No, I want her to get out of our lives,” Lapis snapped. “But no one qualified to take on monsters has ever applied, and you need to take some days off before you have an aneurysm on me."

Steven handed her back the page, beaming as he unlocked the shop. “Lapis, you know I never get sick. What do I need the days off for?”

She tugged the door open for him with a sigh. “Because you’ve unofficially worked here since you were a little kid, Steven. Being raised by three of the greatest heroes in the world wasn’t easy on you. You deserve a break.”

“I take plenty of breaks,” he countered, and they moved about the store, putting down chairs, cleaning up, opening the register, lining up all the things they needed to speed through the morning rush. Never once did their paths cross, and both chatted as they went through the familiar routine.

Lapis shook her head. “It’s not enough, Steven. You deserve time off. You deserve to jam more with Sadie Killer and the Suspects. You deserve to focus on yourself and spend a whole day lying on the beach with your ukulele checking out cute girls.”

“And boys. And enbies,” Steven agreed cheerfully.

“All those options and the one you’re going for is the giant nerd?” Lapis said dryly.

Steven sighed, looking back at her. “Are you going to be a jerk if I tell you why? Because you’re being a real jerk about all of this.”

She took a deep breath, drumming her fingers on the counter, and released it with a sigh. “Tell me. I promise I won’t be a jerk this time.”

“Connie hasn’t been here for a few weeks. She’s been here for a few months,” he said, flopping back on the couch. “She comes to the beach all the time. She has all these big textbooks and binders and notebooks. She’s got regular books for fun. She’s brought a Switch a few times. She spends hours on the beach. And I’ve never, ever seen her with another person. Not even once.”

Lapis bit back a scoff, and instead said, “Maybe this is her alone time?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But it just made me want to know her. I don’t know if I just think she’s cute, or if the way she’s acting is mysterious or something, or if it’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever seen her wear headphones or earbuds so, I mean, does she even listen to music? That’d be crazy! But I just know that I want to get to know her. Don’t you ever feel that way about all those girls you date?”

Lapis was twenty-seven, but she’s suddenly nineteen. Her body isn’t hers, but it is hers. There’s ropes. Chains. Everything is dark. Everything is water. Everything is suspended, and ugly, and laced with the uncomfortable feeling of holding her breath. She’s not alone, though. Never alone. And she’s learning so much about that person from the way they scream.

She blinked, looking back into Steven’s curious face. She smiled. “I’m all in it for the physical stuff, Steven.”

“Whatever you want.” He shrugged and glanced at his phone. “Ready for the rush?”

“No. Let’s close.”

“You say that every day.” He giggled and grinned. His laugh never changed, just deepened from the bubbly squeak of an eight year old to an equally bubbly rumble of a post-puberty adult.

Everything was right again, for a minute. The customers poured in and she worked with Steven as a team. Everything was pulling shots and stupid customers and the wild playlist Steven thought up to keep them awake and moving - this one thumping, busy electronic dance music. Steven managed a breath between coffee talk to tell her they were the Mystery Skulls.

And then, at the end of the rush, with only a few customers left lounging around the eleven a.m. drag, a short blond with a bright smile hopped up to the counter and settled on a bar stool. “Good morning, Lapis! Instead of texting, I decided I’d just come in to see you.”

Uh oh.

“I work four days a week remotely. I only have to go in on Wednesdays to deal with a stack of user problems.”

Double uh oh.

“And the neighbors in my new apartment have a new baby so I don’t really want to hang out there.” She grinned and set her laptop at the bar, plugging it into the charging station embedded in the counter. “So, as long as you don’t mind, I’m just going to make friends with you and your coworkers and spend way too much money on coffee.”

Fuck.

Steven grinned, grabbing his cell phone and Connie’s resume. “Hey, I’m gonna go tell Connie’s she’s got the job and work on hours. Are you good here?”

“No. I’m dying. Save me,” she hissed.

He kissed her forehead, and bubbly healing magic sparkled across her skin. “All better.” He looked over at Peridot and held out his hand. “Steven Universe. Bard. You?”

“Peridot. Hacker. We’re gonna be great friends!” She eagerly shook his big hand with two of hers. It was so fucking cute Lapis wanted to snap Peridot’s laptop in half.

Steven laughed and raced out the door, leaving her alone with Peridot. This was fine. The girl was sexy. Her hair was all messed up, like permanent sex hair. Or like a cute little kitten who could sit in her lap and purr. And her eyes were green, but a dark green. Like, sexy dark eyes. Except they were big and round and full of excitement, because she was nothing but excitement and energy today. Damn it! She had… boobs? Breasts were sexy. Except Peridot was wearing an oversized t-shirt that made it impossible to make out her boobs at all.

“Soooo, I’m not really into dating. I’m kind of a free spirit get-your-freak-on kind of girl,” Lapis said slowly, leaning back from the counter. “I’m pretty busy with running the shop, so I don’t really have time for dates, you know? This would be a sex thing.”

Peridot shrugged. “Cool. I work at least fifty hours a week, so that works out for me. I’m also great at sex, so no worries there either.”

Lapis snorted and smothered a laugh. “Okay, but aren’t you going to be spending a lot of the time here?”

“That’s the plan.”

“So, don’t you think that looks like we’re dating?” Lapis counted off on her fingers. “You want to have sex. You want to hang out with me all the time. You want to be my friend. That’s basically dating.”

Peridot shrugged again. “Disagree. There’s a line between friends with benefits and dating. But, if you really want, we can skip the sex. I’m more interested in friendship.” She raised an eyebrow. “If nothing else, I’ll just take the coffee. Three hours a day out of the apartment isn’t worth trading even for a really, really hot barista.”

This was not fair. She was supposed to take a cute blond home for a tumble, hear her scratchy voice giggle something like, “Wow, that was unbelievable!” and then forget she ever existed. She was not supposed to be okay with friendship. She was not supposed to be okay with coffee. And what the hell did she even mean that coffee wasn’t worth trading for her? Lapis could be a fucking model and this was bullshit and she was going to destroy that laptop.

Lapis smiled. “Let’s try the friends with benefits thing and just see if it gets weird.”

“It won’t get weird for me.” Peridot looked back down at her laptop and began typing.

Steven came in a while later, having hammered out a schedule that gave him three half days off and Lapis two half days off. Lapis would get to sleep in twice a week. The news should have perked her up immediately. Instead, she dragged Steven to the back room and closed the door. “Steven, don’t make friends with Peridot.”

He looked at the closed door. “Someone should really watch the register.”

“Okay, Steven, listen. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s really, really weird that you suddenly get the chance to talk to the girl you like, and that girl I find pretty has been engineered in a lab to never leave this shop. She says she’s going to come here every day, Steven!” She put her hands on his shoulders. “I think we should consider the possibility that gem monsters have evolved and are capable of making spies.”

Steven stared at her, eyes wide. “You okay, Lappy? Did you maybe run into a really high level Mind Witch?”

“Maybe Diamonds Days Coffee is up to something weird again!” Lapis blurted, heart pounding in her chest. “Maybe we should call the Crystal Gems! Maybe they sent Peridot to kidnap you! Maybe-”

Steven took her hands squeezing them softly. “Lapis. Do you need to go home? Peridot’s… she’s harmless. She’s just a workaholic who plans to hang out in a quiet shop. We get them all the time. What’s the big deal about this one?”

Lapis swallowed. What was it, exactly? That Peridot had the adorable confidence of someone who didn’t care if they were wrong? That she somehow found Lapis attractive and would still rather have her as a friend? That she had a smile so bright it could outshine the sunset in an adorable face that gave her the same feeling as watching a yawning kitten?

Or maybe it was just that Peridot was a mystery, and she wanted to ask her a million questions and get to know her.

“You know I just worry.” Lapis said, her voice choked. “I worry about everything after they tried to take you.”

“I know, Lapis, but it’s been years,” Steven said softly. “She’s not coming back.”

Lapis knew she was twenty seven. There was no magic, no trick to change that. Eight years had passed.

But, her lungs twitch in her chest for air and there’s nothing but the smell of brine in the coffee filled back room, and she is nineteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the warm responses! This is a really fun, silly thing to do.
> 
> Next time, Lapis considers killing Connie, and talks much more than she should.


	3. Lapis 3: Hand to Hand Combat

Connie walked into the coffee shop in sweatpants, an oversized shirt, and a sword slung across her back at precisely 8:50 am, ten minutes before her shift started. Lapis scowled. “You’re not going to dress up for your first day? Seriously?”

She froze in place. Her eyes slowly rolled down to Lapis’ drawstring pants, back up to her lazy day tank top. “I… didn’t want to overdress.”

“Owner privilege,” Lapis retorted. “I get to wear whatever I want.”

“I thought this was a co-op.” Connie blinked.

“We’re all the owner except for you. In order to work here, you’ll need a three piece-”

Steven emerged from the backroom, a forty pound coffee bean bag slung over his shoulder. He ripped it open and started to slowly pour the green, unroasted beans into the roaster with the sound of rain on a metal roof. Steven beamed and waved with his free hand. “Oh, hey! You’re early. I’ll give you a quick tour.”

She looked at his black shirt, jeans, and flip flops combo. “So I’m not underdressed?”

“Huh? No. Look at what Lapis is wearing.” He gestured.

Connie looked back and forth between them. “But Lapis just said-”

“Ah. No sarcasm detector,” Lapis said dryly. “How about I say ‘backslash s’ whenever I’m joking?”

She opened her mouth to argue then clearly thought better of it. Connie shook her head and tugged off the sword from her back, which seemed much larger now that Lapis could compare it against the rest of her body. For all she apparently wanted to focus on speed and mobility, that hadn’t stopped her from bringing a five foot broadsword as her weapon. “Where can I store this?”

Lapis grinned, but Steven’s hand came down over her mouth. “Lapis, be nice. You deal with customers, I’ll take Connie. Deal?”

She pushed his hand away with a snort. “She set me up. But, yeah, Go ahead.”

“We’ve got some space under the counter, but let me show you around the front room first.” He flipped up the counter and came beside her, pointing around the shop. “Big couch, super comfy to nap on if you ever want to stay after close. We flip up the chairs and sweet at the end of the day. We wipe the tables whenever, just use your best guess. The stage is usually only used when someone schedules an event, and we rotate our hours from the normal 6-2 to an afternoon 4-12. So, we close during mornings we have night shifts.”

“So the stage is just for events?” She cocked her head, looking at the guitar and keyboard set up on stage.

“I’m a Bard, so magic drinks are kind of a specialty of mine.” He laughed. “There’s a big list of stat boosts I can give, but you can figure that out later. For us to break out the instruments for a customer for a full magic boost it twenty dollars a song. I guess thirty if you play anything?”

“Violin,” she said. “But I’m guessing attempting-to-get-a-music-scholarship-classical probably isn’t your genre.”

He laughed. “No. We’re more of a rock group. But that’s okay! If we needed someone who could be in a band, fight, and serve coffee we’d be screwed.”

Steven had always been a touchy kind of person - hand holding, hugs, ruffled up hair - so he didn’t think much of clapping Connie warmly on the back. In seconds, her sword had clattered to the ground, his wrist was clutched tight in two of her hands and tugged over her shoulder. She had stepped back into him, her back against his chest, when she gasped and stumbled away.

“I’m so sorry!”

Lapis slammed her hand on the faucet, water pouring out as she shouted, “What the fuck was that?”

Connie looked frantic, glancing at the rushing water and then back to Steven. “I swear, it’ll never happen again! I didn’t expect you to touch me!”

“Lapis!” Steven said softly, stepping in front of Connie. “Turn off the sink.”

“She grabbed you!” she shouted.

“I didn’t ask to touch her,” he said, voice still level. “How would you feel if some guy you just met patted you on the shoulder? Would you be okay?”

Lapis hissed, “That’s different!”

“Are you sure?” He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t remember you two having a conversation about boundary issues.”

They glared at each other for a moment, and Lapis broke away, turning the faucet back off. “No, we didn’t. I don’t know why she did it. Connie can explain herself.”

“Lapis, I touched her first. She doesn’t have to,” he said, voice bordering on snapping.

“I want to!” Connie said hurriedly. “Please, I’m so sorry. This is all on me. The last time someone touched me was during a fighting competition. My parents aren’t huggers and I don’t have any friends. Instincts took over. It won’t happen again, I swear. But if you want me to leave I’ll go right now.”

Lapis drummed her fingers on the counter, gritting her teeth. “If you hadn’t dropped the sword you’d be out. I appreciate that you didn’t stab Steven. He’s a real crier when he dies.”

He flushed. “Lapis!”

“Steven, she grabbed you and I said she could stay. I’m being on my best behavior here, alright?” She turned back to the dishes she was supposed to be drying, snagging a mug and a rag. “So, no touching you, Connie? Can we brush past you if it gets tight?”

Connie flushed. “No, you can touch me as much as you’re comfortable with. I don’t have any baggage. Really normal, really calm, usually. I just got startled. I can adjust. I won’t mess up again.”

“You don’t have to pretend to be okay with this,” Steven said with a frown. “Neither of us wants to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine,” Connie insisted. “Finish the tour.”

Lapis let Steven teach the new girl, wishing her stomach would stop turning with anxiety. It wasn’t like Connie was going to do anything dangerous to Steven. Maybe she would have killed him, but it wasn’t like she had something to trap him or drag him off with. She probably wouldn’t have even killed him, with her sword on the floor. That was awfully charitable. Steven wasn’t wrong. If some guy Lapis didn’t know had done anything but an arm tap to get her attention she probably would have drowned him.

Eavesdropping on their conversation (or supervising silently, as she preferred to think of it), she discovered that Connie knew her way around a cafe. She chatted about bean origins. She talked about the maker of the espresso machine. She rambled off some of the stat boosts that different flavor combinations could have and her personal favorite ways of healing from a death. At least Lapis wouldn’t have to hold her hand through everything.

And at least it seemed like Connie wasn’t going to be interested in hand holding from anyone any time soon.

Still, every fiber of her being loathed the two talking to each other, so much so it was a relief when Peridot popped in, quickly setting up her laptop at the counter. “Can you guys open up a tab? How long can it be? Because I’m thinking it’d be way easier to bill me weekly.”

“Hello to you too.” She smirked. “You seriously think you’re going to drink enough coffee to make billing you worth my while?”

Peridot hummed for a moment, then rattled off, “One drink per hour will be eighteen dollars. An apple and a bag of chips brings it up to twenty three. Five days a week brings it up to one hundred and fifteen dollars. Thirty percent tip brings it up to one hundred and forty nine dollars and fifty cents. Why don’t we round it up to one seventy five and I can have three drinks, however I want them every day?”

Lapis stared. “You’re joking.”

“Why would I joke?” Peridot cocked her head. “It’s way easier to just do it that way, don’t you think?”

“How are you going to pay for this?”

Peridot grinned. “Oh, Lapis, I work in technology. I sold my soul for a very, very high price. If you’d like the first week’s payment up front, I’m more than happy to oblige.”

_I wanted a one night stand and got a sugar mommy_, Lapis thought to herself. _I knew I was model pretty._

Out loud, she said, “And what corporation would that be?”

Peridot sighed dramatically. “One of the ones that probably has a weird machine in the basement that turns orphans into cats because it drives up profits by one percent.” She brought her fists up to her chest with a little growl. “Which I’d be fine with if it wasn’t for the fact that everyone who works there wasn’t a monumentally stupid clod.”

Lapis laughed. “Okay. So not so different from customer service. Just a higher salary.”

“More or less.” Peridot held out her card, a shiny heavy metal one with a distinct four diamond logo on it. “So? Cortado on a tab?”

Lapis shrugged. “If you insist. That’ll just be Connie’s paycheck.”

“Wait, what?” Connie said, who was somewhere too far behind Lapis to be seen, and therefore wonderfully irrelevant.

Peridot cocked her head. “That doesn’t sound like very much. How much do you pay her?”

“Minimum wage. Unfortunately, our bylaws say that we all get an equal cut of the profits after a three month trial period, so we’ll have to pay her a lot more than that soon enough.” She went to make the coffee, and soon was sliding it across the counter, doing her best to ignore Steven attempting to explain that Connie’s paycheck would not be dependent on whether or not Peridot ordered enough coffee.

"As much as it’s bad business for me to ask - Is it going to be safe for you to drink this much caffeine?" Lapis asked, sliding the green girl a cortado in a little clear cup.

Peridot gripped it tight, looking down at the simple, artless foam. "It's much more dangerous to go without this much coffee."

"How come?"

Peridot stared straight ahead, seeing things that weren't there as she hissed, "Users."

Lapis raised an eyebrow. “Users? What do they do?”

"Nothing! They do literally nothing and then blame me for it! Oh, Peridot, why do you always ask if my computer's on?" Peridot sneered. "Because, Janice, sometimes you call me about your computer being out because you can't turn on your monitor!"

Lapis raised an eyebrow. "Want me to drown her?"

Peridot beamed. "Really? How much?"

Her genuine enthusiasm was too much. Lapis let out a peal of laughter, covering her face with one hand. “No! I don’t actually offer drowning service, you little gremlin. What’s wrong with you?”

“I already said that,” Peridot explained patiently. “Users.”

And then Steven’s voice broke through the bubble of cheeriness, “Oh, yeah. Mom’s life mission was to fix the gem monsters, turn them back into normal humans. We keep all the bubbled gems in the basement, and maybe a few other things, but you don’t have to worry about any of that. It’s pretty dangerous, so Lapis and I will take care of it.”

Lapis glared back at him, but he was looking cheerfully out the window, pointing to the metal door outside that led to the storm shelter-like basement where they kept the gems. Where the Crystal Gems sent the bubbled gems from their missions. Where Rose spent years struggling to do her best to help everyone, a woman neither Lapis or Steven ever got to meet and her legacy was so high above everything and he was telling Connie for fuck’s sake.

Lapis leaned over the counter with a purr. “Things can get pretty exciting around here, too. Did you know Steven can heal a gem monster for, like, five minutes? They can’t talk, but they look pretty human and sometimes they can communicate a little.”

“That’s unique,” Peridot said, eyes shining with curiosity. “Any idea why?”

“We think it might have something to do with this Diamond legacy class,” Lapis began, and suddenly felt so uninterested. Diamond legacy class? Who cared? It didn’t mean anything. It was so unimportant and dull. Even Peridot’s eyes were glazing over at the mention of it. Lapis shook her head and pushed on. “But it’s still really amazing. One of these days, we’re going to figure out how to heal the gems together. That’s the whole point of all of this.”

Peridot sipped at the cortado and smiled. “Well, you’ve learned how to make good coffee while you’re working on it. And it’s a lot better than my job. I never would have guessed someone like Steven would have a talent like that.”

And hearing it out loud, Lapis slowly brought her hand to her mouth. What had she said? Her eyes glanced around the store, heart pounding even as she confirmed it was empty. But still, she told Peridot. She made Steven interesting. She made Steven special. This was no good. She was no good. And she was going to need to find a way to solve this.

“Could you keep this between us?” Lapis said softly. “I don’t think I should have told you.”

“Of course.” Peridot smiled. “It’s none of my business anyway.”


	4. Lapis 4: Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Lapis have their first solo shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanart provided by the lovely [FollowerofMercy!](https://followerofmercyart.tumblr.com/post/611818385521754112/fanart-of-my-friend-universallywritings)

“Okay, so you two will be working together today. Alone.” Steven stood in front of the counter, looking at the little metal name tags they both had stuck to their clothes. Lapis and Connie. Together. His gaze shifted slowly to Lapis. “You know, I don’t really need to go home. What if I just hang out here instead?”

Lapis pointed to the door. “Leave.”

He beamed at Connie. “Have you really finished training? I can stay if you want help.”

Connie’s eyes said, _Please stay_, but her mouth smiled wide and said, “Of course not, Steven! I’ve mostly got it down and Lapis can help with the rest. Enjoy your day!”

He frowned, looking back at Lapis. “Be nice.”

She looked away with a little pout. “I’ll do my best.”

Steven crossed his arms, looking at both of them with all the firmness of a kindergarten teacher urging his students to play nice, but it didn’t seem to make an impression. Lapis looked bored and Connie looked like she was screaming inside, but neither said a word. So he sighed, defeated, and left the store.

“Alright,” Lapis said, turning to Connie once the door swung shut behind him. “Let’s clear the air.”

“Oh, good.” Connie sighed.

“I don’t like you. I’m not going to like you. I have no interest in learning to like you. We’re going to work together and it’s going to be weird.”

“But?” Connie prompted.

“There is no but. That’s the story.”

The Swordfighter stared at her for a bit, then closed her eyes with a deep breath. “Okay.”

Lapis blinked. That wasn’t right. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Connie shrugged. “Fine. A lot of people don’t like me. I wanted a job here because I love coffee and I’m a political science major. I wanted to see how a cooperative worked first hand. So, if you hate me but you still work with me, that’s fine. That’s a big part of what cooperative businesses have to deal with. If it’s too much, I’ll quit.”

Lapis felt her stomach turn and suddenly felt oddly queasy. This wasn’t how this usually went. There was a lot more lashing out and raging while Lapis stoked the flames, until the other person burnt themselves out and left. But Connie was just going to roll over and take it, apparently, and something about that felt very familiar in a very bad way.

_Keep drowning us, Lazuli. I love watching the numbers go up._

“Then it works out,” Lapis said, taking a huge swig from her water bottle and wishing it was something stronger. “Let’s get this awkward shift started.”

She could have done her best to make it less awkward. Part of her wanted to. But every time she thought about holding back, she remembered Steven’s wrist in Connie’s hand, about to be flipped onto the ground, and out came, “Nice job making the store smell like burnt milk” and “latte art isn’t really your thing, huh?”

It didn’t help that Connie didn’t react much to the criticism. A slight tense in her shoulders. A bit of a scowl. But each remark was met with a calm “Yes, ma’am” that just drove Lapis further up the wall. Didn’t she have any cracks? Wasn’t there some kind of weakness that she could pick and pry at, until she got frustrated and hit back like everyone else? It just wasn’t right to bother someone who wouldn’t bother back.

“Good afternoon, Lapis,” Peridot said cheerfully, hopping up to the counter. She really did hop, too. The stool was much too tall for her, and watching it always made Lapis’s heart skip a beat. “Let’s start off with a Cubano.”

“You got it.” Lapis strolled to the machine, and looked on in confusion as Connie rushed past her to Peridot.

“You were right!” she gushed. “I talked to Professor Lace and she was so excited to find out that a non-technology major was taking her class she gave me a bunch of extra resources! I told her how excited I was about the potential for technology combining with a more direct democracy and she loved it. She said she might even let me write a paper on it for extra credit since I’m struggling with the labs!”

Peridot smirked. “See? I told you she was a softie. She just looks intimidating. Did you bring up anime with Professor Nephrite?”

“No, but after this I really might.” She giggled and covered her face. “I don’t think I can actually weeb out in front of a teacher, though.”

“The harder you go, the better. Trust me. She even has strong shipping opinions. Bring up Fullmetal Alchemist and just agree with everything she says. All of a sudden, all your English papers come back with way higher grades. It’s worth the embarrassment of being outed as an otaku for the bonus points, right?”

Lapis slid between them, setting the coffee down. “Hey. What the fuck is this?”

“Territorial, Lazuli, not a good look,” Peridot said with a grin. “Don’t worry. I don’t like straight girls.”

“Oh, I’m actually bi-” She started, then caught sight of Lapis and grinned nervously. “I, uh, prefer guys mostly. I don’t like short girls?”

“Go clean something.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She snagged a rag and rushed off to clean a table.

Peridot rolled her eyes. “Now, Lazuli-”

“How do you know my last name?” she snapped.

“Your full name is on your business’s webpage. If we aren’t dating, you can’t get jealous when I talk to other girls. We are currently not exclusive. I assume a platonic ideal of a woman such as yourself has plenty of dalliances.” Peridot smirked as she opened up her laptop. “Regardless, I have no interest in Connie. I’m an alumni of her college and we have similar hobbies.”

Lapis cocked her head. “Really? I would’ve thought you went to some big, fancy college.”

“The point of going to a big, fancy college is to meet the right people and shake the right hands. Beach City University is owned by the much larger and famous Empire State University. This means all your credits transfer and, assuming you have the proper grades, transfer is exceptionally easy. You can do two or three years at BCU, switch to ESU, and save yourself tens of thousands of dollars.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh. Good strategy.”

“Obviously. And so is Connie. We have plenty to talk about and you don’t need to be jealous.” She took a sip of her drink and smiled. “Wow, thanks. This is great! Are you sure you don’t want to go on a date?”

“I feel like you’re gonna get clingy,” Lapis muttered.

She watched Connie scrub down the tables, and tried to hold it back. Peridot and Connie getting along was a good thing. The closer they got, the less likely it was that Peridot would get close to Lapis. There was even the chance that the two nerds could fall for each other, which would make it much easier to push them out of her and Steven’s lives. There was no world in which Connie and Peridot becoming better friends could mean anything bad for her.

Unless she wanted Peridot for herself.

Lapis choked on her own spit and gasped, “Connie! Everything’s clean! Why don’t you come entertain Peridot and I’ll man the register for a while?”

Soon, the two were chattering away in between orders, Connie dutifully pausing every time a customer came in and preparing their order as Lapis rung them up. Lapis pushed down any jealousy or frustration and just listened, learning far too much about people she was dead set on never being friends with.

Connie was double majoring in political science and English, hoping the two combined would give her the rhetoric she needed to drive real change. Peridot had majored in Software Engineering, and had gotten both her Bachelor’s and Master’s in a short four years. She was thinking about picking up the doctorate just for fun, as it wouldn’t give her the salary increase to really be worth it anytime soon.

Peridot and Connie both loved anime, and Lapis endured at least an hour of giggling excitement over ridiculous cartoon characters doing ridiculous things. Which turned out to be a mercy compared to when the two pulled out Class Cards. The hard plastic IDs listed every skill in the owner’s particular class, and the two gushed over one another’s talets.

“Heavy Slice is the coolest! I can’t believe you’ve got the strength for it and the dexterity for Side Step.”

Connie rolled her eyes. “Oh, please, it’s just your classic smash class. You’ve got Percussive Maintenance! I’d do anything to smack a computer into behaving.”

“Okay. You’re both amazing!” Lapis snapped. “For the sake of my sanity, do you two maybe have some faults you could talk about? Because if I hear Peridot say ‘wow, thanks!’ one more time, I’m going to break a coffee mug and kill her.”

Peridot smirked. “Apparently, my fault is that I’m so cute Lapis gets jealous when I talk to other girls.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she snapped.

“I guess I’m kind of obsessive,” Connie said, really considering the question. “I got crazy into survival stuff and wouldn’t stop making pine needle tea to prevent scurvy and counting all my macros in a calorie counting app. I mean, I worked for other coffee stores before but they didn’t teach me a lot of what I know. I just got really into it. I have three textbook sized books on coffee on my bookshelf, and I’ve watched way too many TubeTube videos.”

“Isn’t that _good_ for working in a coffee shop?” Peridot asked, wrinkling her nose.

“Depends on whether any of that is good for anything.” Lapis crossed her arms. “How about you make us a drink, Connie? Since you’re so into coffee. Show me something we don’t have on the menu.”

“Oh, I couldn’t,” she laughed, shaking her head. “Your menu is amazing.”

“Consider it part of the job. Make a drink,” Lapis said coolly.

Connie winced, but got to work. Lapis and Peridot sat back on watched, and Lapis noted that Connie seemed to be on the cusp on hyperventilating, with slightly shaky hands. There was clearly some kind of anxiety or stage fright now that all the attention was focused on her. That was a crack. She’d have to be careful with it, of course, but that was something that might actually get her to snap back. And maybe if Steven saw his perfect little pet getting testy, he wouldn’t be so interested.

But soon there was a pretty little cup in front of her, topped with whipped cream and caramel. Connie rubbed the back of her neck, voice a little shaky, “It’s a brown sugar caramel latte.”

“Not exactly blowing my mind,” Lapis said with a roll of her eyes.

“What do you want her to do?” Peridot snorted. “Go buy a bag of ingredients from the store to make something new? You asked her to make you a drink and she made you a drink. Get off your high horse and taste it, Lazuli.”

“Gettin’ real comfortable here, aren’t you?” She muttered, and took a sip. It was fucking delicious. She shrugged. “It’s fine. You made something decent with what you had on hand. Good job.”

Peridot whined, stretching her hand out. “Give it.”

“It’s not for you,” Lapis said, raising the cup high above her head.

“Give me your indirect kiss, Lazuli!” she snapped, crawling up onto the counter.

“What are you talking about?” she yelped. “Get off of there! I have to clean that!”

“An indirect kiss is an anime term for when you share a drink or snack or something. Your lips both touch the object without touching each other’s lips,” Connie explained eagerly. “It’s a cute romantic thing.”

Peridot successfully managed to get her hand on the mug, and Lapis let her have it lest it spill all over her clothes. The short woman snickered, taking a huge sip, and successfully covered her nose and upper lip in whipped cream. As Peridot squealed, Lapis felt a smile starting to tug at her lips. “It’s delicious!”

“Really?” Connie brightened.

“Yeah! You know what you’re doing. Lapis is being a jerk.” She sat back with a grin and wiped her face clean, then settled back onto her stool. “I’ll drink it. I’ve got an obsession too, you know. Have you ever heard of Camp Pining Hearts?”

“That cheesy Canadian teen drama? Seriously?” Connie scrunched up her face.

Peridot snorted. “If you mean drama perfection, then yes. That one.”

The two started to bicker, and Lapis felt her mind drift back to her apartment, to the stack of Camp Pining Hearts DVDs she threw on when Steven was busy and there were too many thoughts rattling around in her head to manage. She thought about laughing at the wonderfully stupid jokes, smiling over sappy love confessions, and long days of her teenage years spent arguing on fan forums. Lapis bit her tongue, and didn’t say a word.

She tried her best to focus on the job, to busy herself with orders and not listen to their chatter, but all that did was let her mind drift. Which would have been fine, ordinarily. She often lost herself in fantasies while she worked of daring adventures, long vacations, and one night stands. Today, all she could think about was curling up on the couch with Peridot in her lap. The gremlin’s cute little face would be nestled up against her chest, murmuring nonsense about shipping while Lapis finger combed her blonde hair.

It was too much work to fight it, and she spent the rest of her shift basking in the fantasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Steven uses his Bard skills on his friends.


	5. Lapis 5: Jam Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven does some magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanart from the wonderful ponpasta!
> 
> [Tumblr](https://ponpasta.tumblr.com/) and [Instagram!](https://www.instagram.com/ponpasta/?hl=en)

“My friend Sadie’s about to come in,” Steven said cheerfully as Connie strolled in for her shift. She’d been working there for three weeks, and the best Lapis could say for it was she was happy Steven got more time off. “She’s the one I told you about - we jam together and I play for her band sometimes? She wants a magic boost, so I figured we could show you how we do it.”

“Yeah, all of us are going to get onstage, play some instruments. Since your violin doesn’t really fit, how about you take lead vocals? You can stand right in front where the whole shop can see.” Lapis smirked as Connie’s shoulders stiffened.

The tall girl swiftly flipped up the counter, shoving her sword in its usual spot. “I thought you said I wasn’t going to be a part of any of that.”

“You don’t have to be!” Steven said quickly, pausing the music from the perpetually hooked up mp3. The coffee shop was eerily silent without Steven’s curated playlists, just the sound of buzzing lights and busywork. “You can just watch. You don’t have to join in.”

Lapis leaned against his broad chest and smirked up at him. “Oh, come on, Steven. You’re just so darn musical. Do you really think you can stand working with someone who won’t participate?”

He wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head. “Why are you so mean lately? I’m gonna tell on you to all my moms.”

She mock gasped. “All three of them at once? The ultimate threat.”

They were still giggling over the idea of summoning his guardians to the store over Lapis being snarky, when a tired, stout blond dragged herself through the door. Sadie shuffled up to the counter and climbed up onto a stool with a groan. "Hey, Steven. Turns out I’ve got more band practice tonight and I could really use a way better boost than I thought. How much is it for your best shot?"

"It's on the house!” he said eagerly. "We've got a new employee who might join in, so you can review what the three of us are worth together."

Connie laughed, face flushing. "I don't sing."

"Don’t or can’t?" Lapis asked.

She groaned, covering her face. "Not a note. Growing up was all classical and movie soundtracks. I didn’t really get a lot of practice."

"That's not a problem!” Steven said eagerly, whipping out his card. “I've got Group Harmony. I can get you in key. Check it out!"

She plucked it from his hand, examining every detail. "Huh. Pink Diamond Class. Healing saliva. Plant magic. Shield. Plus twenty to all suspicion checks about being this class. How'd you get this?"

"I dunno. Some kind of legacy class." Steven shrugged.

Lapis rolled her eyes with boredom as Connie returned the card. "Yeah. Guess it's not important.”

He smiled, tucking it back in his pocket. “But, yeah, Group Harmony would work.”

"That’s a buff skill, right? I've never tried one before. How does it work?"

Lapis snorted. "Don't play dumb. You’ve never used a buff skill? Never had a friend?"

"Yeah.” Connie cringed. “Pretty much."

The two girls stared at each other, Lapis feeling uncomfortable guilt starting to crawl up her back, when Steven stepped between them. "Okay! Crash course on my buff skills. They're mostly spit related, which is both really useful and really gross!"

He pulled a quick shot, grabbing a small glass cup and licking swiftly around the rim as he worked. The cup twinkled with pink magic, and as espresso filled the cup the steam turned pink. Lapis noted that he dumped a sugar packet and a quick bit of heavy cream into it without even asking Connie how she liked it, and wondered how many times he’d made Connie something to drink while Lapis wasn’t around.

"I can really only do one spell at a time, but we can try other ones later. It's a permanent buff, too, so you'll be in key for the rest of your life. Weird Diamond class has some cool perks." He winked as he handed her the cup.

"You gotta gargle the spit," Lapis snickered. "It probably works better undiluted, if you wanna give that a shot."

Steven grinned. "Yeah, just like healing. Is that a cut on your leg, Lappy? Need a mouthful of health potion?"

She waved him off. "No thanks. My HP is pretty low, so I'd rather just bleed out."

"She is right that it works better the more there is," he confessed as he turned back to Connie. "Especially if it's a harder spell for me. When I was a kid I healed my dad's broken leg by passing back and forth a lollipop."

"And is this a hard spell?" Connie tried not to imagine swallowing spit and failed.

"Nope. You’ve already got all the spit you need in there. Go ahead and drink! Just, uh, lean here?" His hands had gone to grab her, to position her in place, then pulled back and gestured awkwardly to the counter. "There. It's a mental skill, so it can be a little overwhelming. It basically helps you think like I do about music? I haven't made anyone good at music in a long time, and I've gotten pretty good at it, so I have no idea how potent this'll be."

Connie did as she was told, leaning back against the counter before drinking the espresso like a tequila shot - downing it in one big gulp. The glass clicked back down on the counter, and Connie gripped it tightly, braced for whatever may happen. Seconds ticked by, and then Connie’s head cocked. "Okay. Something's happening. Sounds are less... Noise? The lights are humming, but it's a note and… Oh!" Her eyes widened. "It's a C!"

Steven giggled to Lapis. "Maybe I’m not as good at this as I thought."

"You know, there's not any music," Sadie pointed out, her hand barely holding up her exhausted head. "Hard to know how good you are at understanding music without any music."

"Oh, right! Let me pick out something fun.” He grabbed the player, scrolling quickly, before putting on the gleeful chorus of _ Finding Something to Do _ by Hellogoodbye.

Connie listened for a minute, eyes closing with a little gasp. And then, a moment later, a breathy giggle. "Oh," she purred. "So _ that's _what euphoria feels like."

She fainted. Steven just managed to catch her with a tiny little squeak, barely keeping her head from slamming on the floor.

Sadie looked much more awake all of a sudden, leaning over the counter to where he crouched on the floor. “Holy shit, Steven. What’d you do to her?”

“I don’t know!” he yelped.

Lapis laughed. “Oh my God, you broke her! What did you do?”

He whined, “Come on! Could somebody help? She’s uncons-”

“Sorry.” Connie blinked her eyes open, staring up at him. “Looks like my brain shut down for recalibration. You know a lot about music, don’t you?” 

He set her upright on her feet with a huge sigh of relief, and Lapis pouted at the quick recovery time.

Connie didn’t seem to notice, pacing eagerly. “And now _ I _know a lot about music! I can’t believe the stupid stuff I’ve been doing on the violin. I can’t believe I’ve been playing the violin for over a decade and I’ve never written a song before! How could I be that boring?”

Sadie gawked. “Steven, what level are you? That’s supposed to be a spell to help you sing!”

“I’m level eighty three! That’s pretty normal for an active fighter!”

Sadie gestured to Connie. “That’s some _ weird _ shit, Steven!”

Connie giggled and twirled as she paced. “Real weird! That felt like a max level hit. Let me double check that your card isn’t at one hundred.”

“So, you’re feeling okay?” He beamed.

“I feel_ amazing _!” She cheered and threw her arms up, then dissolved into giddy laughter. “I have a support skill! Oh my gosh, can we duet? Or quartet? Or anything?”

“You really want to?” he asked with shining eyes.

“Just don’t put me in front. Or look at me.” She hesitated and looked at the stage. “Actually, how long is the microphone cord? Can I hide behind the counter and sing?”

“That’ll work!” Steven laughed, reaching for Connie for something classically Steven - ruffled hair, a shoulder squeeze, a hug. But his hand quickly fell back, coming up to rub the back of his neck. Lapis tried not to feel a little happy that Connie’s touch-phobia was taking a toll on Steven, but something about it just felt so safe. She didn’t like Steven’s affectionate touches. She didn’t know anything about music. They just wouldn’t work together.

Lapis ran a hand through his hair as she walked by as a comfort for him, because she really didn’t want him to be upset, and then tugged his wrist so they could head up on the stage. He barely managed to snag his mp3 from the controller to turn off the music as they went. “You’re seriously going to let her sing from under the counter?” she muttered to him. “Don’t you think she should get on stage with us?”

“She’s backup vocals. I’m the only one who has to perform,” he retorted. Louder, to Connie, he said, “You said you worked in coffee shops before, right? So you’ve got to know some music. Most places have something playing all day.”

Lapis tossed her a microphone as she said from her spot by the register, “Diamond Days Cafe really only plays whatever’s popular. It’s not like any of the stuff you play in here.”

“Because Lapis hates pop,” he said with a sneaky smile. “But how about Carly Rae Jepsen? We can do_ I Really Like You _ , or _ Call Me Maybe _. You’ve heard of those, right?”

Lapis groaned, shaking her head. “Do not with Carly.”

Steven grinned, pushing Lapis’s bass into her hands. “What Lapis is trying to say is that she hasn’t bought into the gospel of Carly Rae Jepsen’s Emotion being the greatest pop album in the past decade, but everyone else here knows that it’s perfect, and we’re all happy to sing a song from it. Or the whole album.”

“Steven! You are not performing the entire album again!” Lapis growled.

Steven’s smile was unfailing. “One day, when I don’t have anything planned, I’ll end my shift and get onstage and show you how awesome it is.” 

“You can’t keep doing this to me,” Lapis groaned. “Couldn’t you play something cool? Like Queens of the Stone Age? Panic! At the Disco? Queen? Everyone loves Queen.”

“Carly Rae Jepsen is cool!” Steven cried.

Connie giggled. “I know how _ Call Me Maybe _ goes. I can look up the lyrics on my phone and sing along. Let me just go hide.”

She ducked down behind the counter, and Lapis noted Steven already bouncing to a beat that wasn’t playing. She raised an eyebrow as she plucked a few practice notes on her bass. “What are you so excited about?”

He blushed and shrugged. “I like singing.”

Steven plugged in his phone. He had plenty of stripped tracks, removing vocals and different instruments to allow for their own to take over. The intro started, and Lapis gave a long suffering sigh and she strummed an easy baseline. They had played this song far, far too many times and playing it was mostly muscle memory. But Steven’s powers worked based on emotions, and if a customer wanted to be ready for a night of fun, Steven had to get into the right mood.

When he finally sang, and Lapis felt the wonderfully fizzy rush of his magic cover her from head to toe. The song was bubbly, so she felt bubbliness creep in from every side, putting a smile on her face as she fell headfirst into the spell. Connie’s immediate mistake, gasping instead of singing, wasn’t enough to dampen her mood at all. Lapis rocked her hips gently side to side, head bobbing along to the bubblegum beat, as Steven’s joy filled the room with pink light.

And by the time the verse hit, Connie had joined in. She was in tune, as Lapis had expected, but she was surprised at the sweetness in it. Still, that was all there was to it. Unlike Lapis’s own singing, there was no vibrato, no flare, just precise, pure notes. She grinned to herself as her fingers moved over the frets. There was another thing to be gleeful about. Connie wouldn’t be outperforming Lapis any time soon.

But there was a certain something layered into the song now that Connie was singing, something more complex than the typical cheer. She focused on the feeling and found her thoughts drifting to Peridot, her heart fluttering in her chest as she imagined kissing the green eyed girl and spinning her into a dance. She could barely focus on the baseline.

Her eyes snapped to Steven. He was still him, charismatic as always - Dancing, singing, twirling like the giddy dork he was, but his eyes weren’t on Sadie. He wasn’t pointing to the customers lingering around the store with his usual charismatic flare. His attention was focused on the hidden girl behind the bar.

As the song wound down, Lapis waited for the gushing to end. Delight from Sadie, and an eagerness from Connie that took her back. Connie and Steven were laughing with each other like they were lifelong friends. How was she suddenly so open, so happy? And why was Steven so comfortable? Where was that little touch of obnoxious overeagerness that came from trying to please everyone?

Then, with a sappy smile, he said, “You know, I thought you sounded really pretty.”

Lapis grabbed his shirt and dragged him out of the store, ignoring his squeaking protest and Connie’s weak, “But we were talking.” She bit back a snarl, bit back the urge to drag up the ocean and shove the two apart.

Lapis dragged him around the corner, to the concrete back of the store, and shoved him up against the wall. “You like her!”

He flushed. “This isn’t how you tease someone about having a crush, Lapis!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be ace?” she snapped. 

The mood changed instantly. He towered over her as he stopped slouching, and her smallness compared to him felt earned and painful. His guarded, crossed arms might as well have slammed a wall down between them. Lapis winced. “I’m sorry. That sounded…”

“Yeah,” he said coldly. “It did. Try again.”

She groaned, coming to stand beside him on the wall. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just thought that you thought that you were never going to really crush on anyone.”

“I’m not aromantic. I know that,” he muttered. “I don’t know about the sex stuff yet. I’m working it out. But you can’t drag me out here and say something like that. Like you’re _ mad _ that I might not be whatever sexuality you think I am.”

She closed her eyes and slid down, sinking to the ground. “I know. That was messed up. You know I’ll love you no matter what. That wasn’t what I meant at all. I love you, Steven. I promise.”

“I love you, too.” His hand came down on her shoulder, squeezing it. “Are you going to freak out when I ask Connie out?”

She expected to feel something from that. Maybe there would be pain or abandonment or fear, something heavy and bad that would make her scream at him, that would force her to talk about all the awful things that were bubbling up inside her. About the nightmares. The flashbacks. But everything just felt hollowed and and resigned. Of course he was going to ask her out. Of course he was going to leave.

After all, Lapis Lazuli drowned a woman for three months straight. Who could love someone like that?

“Yeah,” she said, voice as empty as she was. “That’s fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Lapis hits her first breaking point.


	6. Lapis 6: Time Skip

Lapis’s brain wouldn’t work with her. The day was passing like a strobe light, on and off, little sections going missing as she choked on ocean water all morning.

She would have noticed Connie was miserable, if it wasn’t for the fact that she had shown up in a tank top and shorts. After that, all she could really think was, That’s not fair. Because Peridot showed up day after day in pajama pants and baggy t-shirts, but Lapis was still pretty sure that there wasn’t a rock hard body underneath. Why couldn’t she have crushed on the buff Swordfighter instead of the scrawny Hacker?

And then she imagined making out with Peridot and did her best to tune out everything else as she made coffee.

“You okay?” Steven asked Connie as she walked up to the counter. “You look upset.”

She bit her lip. “I forgot a loose change of clothes for after the gym, and I didn’t have time to get home.”

Steven looked down at her, staring for a moment, then looked back up at her face and smiled. “I get why you’re upset, but it’s not like you’re in a bathing suit or anything. You’re all good to work.”

“I know. It’s just… nothing.” She ducked under the counter and started cleaning dishes. “You can head home, Steven.”

“No, we can talk!” he said eagerly. “We’re waiting for a mail drop. My moms are supposed to send a care package today. Pearl’s really good about sending them on time.”

Connie wheeled around. "Pearl? Like, Renegade Pearl?"

"Uh, yes?" Steven said nervously.

"You were raised by Renegade Pearl?" She stepped closer, barely an inch away from him in her eagerness. Lapis cocked her head at the sight. It was so bizarre to see someone look down at Steven, especially with him leaning back from the intensity.

He laughed a little, blushing. "Yeah, her and a couple of other-"

"Steven!" She squealed in delight, hands to her mouth. "Can I get her autograph? Does she ever come in? Can I meet her?”

Lapis blinked. “You’re a fan of the Crystal Gems?”

“Of course!” she said, looking to Lapis. “They’re amazing! Pearl is the reason I picked up a sword. She had this profile in Heroes Weekly and she was just…so cool! I looked online and found all the videos of her competitions and some stuff people had recorded. She normally uses a spear, but she really talked up how amazing swords are, and how they’re a great start for anyone looking to become a combatant, so I looked up sword fighting schools and here I am.”

Steven giggled. “Wow. Most fans of the Crystal Gems usually like Garnet or Amethyst.”

“They’re all amazing!” she said, then leaned back with an awkward laugh. “But, uh, they’re your moms. So this is probably pretty weird and I should take it down?”

“Maybe a little.” He grinned back.

Things happened. Things happened? Lapis drowned and served coffee.

Lapis’s card was in Connie’s hand. When did that happen? How did that happen? What was she saying? Lapis was saying, “See for yourself.”

"How the fuck are you Level 95 Water Witch?" Connie gasped, staring at the card in her hand.

Steven frowned. "Connie, language."

"Right. Customers. Sorry.” She flushed. “Did you find a exploit drowning ants or something?"

Lapis shrugged, looking out at the ocean. "There wasn't drowning involved, per se."

"How?” Connie demanded. “How old are you? How did you hit Level 95? It’s exponential growth! Everyone hits the wall around 70! Everyone!”

“Connie, don’t,” Steven said, touching her shoulder to get her attention, and yanking back quickly. “You need to stop.”

“Oh.” Her eyes widened, and she nervously handed back her card. “Sorry. I didn’t think.”

Steven got his care package. A freezer box full of Japanese steaks and CDs.

There was a beautiful hand painted tea kettle for Lapis.

Before Steven left, he asked Connie out on a date. She agreed.

Lapis was in the backroom, so she should’ve been watching the security cameras. 

“Fucking bitch!” she heard, half-sleeping on a bag of coffee beans. It was the only smell strong enough to cover up the brine burning in her nose, but she had to leave it. She groaned. As wonderful as it would be for someone to be yelling at Connie for good reason, it was far more likely that a customer was an asshole over ice cubes melting in hot coffee. She pushed herself up and out of the backroom.

Connie looked back at her, terrified, and on the other side of the counter was a man with a broken nose, blooding dripping down his face and covering the counter. Oh. _Oh._ No. Lapis stormed up the sink and slammed it on, tugging the water and balling it up, bigger and bigger and bigger above their heads.

“Lapis, I-”

“You’re good.” Lapis glared at the man. “Hey. Asshole. Out of my store.”

He glared back. “You want to hear what she did first? She slammed me into that-”

“She didn’t kill you, so she’s nicer than me.” She crossed her arms. “Last chance. Out of my store.”

“Great customer service,” he sneered. “I’m gonna-”

But assholes did not get to talk in Lapis’s store. “When you rez, walk to the next coffee shop over. We’re not serving you.”

Killing was quick and easy on a noncombat class. Water whipped out and crushed him to nothing, poofing him into smoke just as a gem monster would. The blood across the counter vanished just as quickly, but his gross face had still been pressed to it. She grabbed a rag to scrub it clean.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Lapis looked at her, finding her staring down at her hands. “Hey. Stop it. Don’t be sorry because he was a dick. You did what you had to.”

She winced. “That’s why I hate dressing in anything that isn’t baggy when I’m on the job. They always take it as an invitation.”

“It isn’t. You wear what you want. You kick the ass you need to. You’re a human being and you don’t deserve that, and you know it’s true because I don’t like you enough to lie.”

Connie stared. “What if they just say something?”

Lapis stiffened. “I thought all he did was say something. Assholes don’t get coffee. Assholes are kicked out of my store. And people who try to do something more than say something get killed.” Lapis faced her and said firmly, “There is no sexual harassment in Rose’s store, not ever. You have a sword for a reason. Use it.”

“Thank you,’ Connie said, eyes shining with tears. “Oh my God, Lapis, thank you so much.”

Lapis blushed, feeling guilt crawl up her spine. Was this all the kindness it took to cheer her up? Wasn’t this just… basic human decency? It was how Steven did things. It was how the Crystal Gems did things. Lapis had heard that there were plenty of places were employees were expected to bite their tongues, ignore the crude comments from customers, but that always seemed so far away. So unreal.

“Didn’t Diamond Days let you stab creeps?” she asked.

“No.” Connie shook her head hard. “Diamond Days doesn’t let you do anything like that. Your job is to get money from customers. You do it no matter what. Unless you’re going to get hurt in some way that you could sue the store for, you’re supposed to just grin and bear it. I normally grin and bear it. But this guy… I know it’s dumb, but he touched my hand and I just reacted.”

“Good reaction.” Lapis felt sick at the thought of standing by, letting people berate and insult her instead of throwing them out or poofing them like she was used to. Just being trapped, stuck, unable to leave and unable to fight and… Oh, no. The world was dark and brine and she couldn’t breathe. Water spilled across the floor as she dropped it, trying to release the drowning feeling as fast as possible, but it wasn’t working. She still couldn’t…she wasn’t…

“Lapis!” Connie gasped. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

She gripped the counter, body trembling. “I’m fine. I’ve just got to get through this. It’ll be a few minutes. I can go in the back.”

“You can go home,” Connie said. “I can do a solo shift by myself. I’ve done it at Diamond Days. You look like you’re in the middle of a panic attack.”

“I don’t have panic attacks,” Lapis mumbled. Her hands were shaking. She glared at them. Stop that. “I just need to call Steven. He’s got some playlists. Whenever I’m stressed I can listen to them and calm down.”

“Consider it a thank you,” Connie insisted. “You killed a guy for me, let me finish off your shift. You can call Steven at home.”

“I can’t! He’s supposed to take breaks!” Her voice was so whining. Was that really her? “And if I go home now, I won’t even get to see Peridot.” Heat rose in her cheeks. What was she saying? What was she doing? The world was so far away and she was drowning. She wanted Steven. She wanted a smile and a laugh and someone who loved her, and that was supposed to be Steven but maybe Peridot could get her through the shift.

“I’ll send her to your house.”

“Apartment,” Lapis muttered.

“Oh my God,” Connie said, sounding borderline exasperated. “I’ll send her wherever you live.”

“She doesn’t know where I live.”

“I’ll text Steven. Lapis, just go home. You don’t deserve to suffer through any more bullshit today.” Connie hesitated, then added, “I’ve been there. I’ve got this. I’ll even clock out for you.”

Somehow, Lapis ended up at home.

She didn’t really remember how, but a mess of things happened, and there she was. In her apartment. Sobbing in between little gasps of, “What am I doing?” She had no idea how long she was there, her eyes burning and her face getting covered in tears and snot, until the moment finally seemed to pass with no reason why. So she laid there, glaring at the textured ceiling and hating herself.

Someone pounded on her door, and she groaned as she cleaned herself up. Probably Steven, coming to scold her for leaving Connie alone. His new favorite. She wipe her face clean on a kitchen rag and yanked the door open with a growl, “She sent me home!”

But there wasn’t a giant wall of a man in front of her. Lapis scrolled down the world in front of her to the short blond, laptop clutched to her chest. “Hey, Lazuli. Connie said you were having a bad day?”

“Oh.” Lapis stared. She should send Peridot home. “Yeah. I did.”

“Do you want some company?”

Her heart lurched. “What kind of company?”

“I’m not sleeping with someone who had to leave their job because of stress. Feels pretty gross.” Peridot peered past her, and Lapis felt her face flush as she remembered just how much of a mess her apartment was. Not dirty, just not… organized. She felt like Peridot would really want everything organized. “There’s your router. I assume you never changed the password from factory settings?”

Lapis let out a bark of laughter that even startled herself. “How old do you think I am? I’ll get you the password.”

She stepped aside to let Peridot in, flicking the door locked behind her. The taller girl began to search through her shelves and drawers, digging for the scrap of paper that had the wifi password she so rarely needed to hand out. By the time she found it, Peridot has already made herself at home on the small loveseat just to the side of Lapis’s bed. It was odd to see someone who wasn’t Steven in it, but she shrugged it off. He wasn’t there. She didn’t want to think about him.

“If I prove that I’m okay, do you think we could make out later?” Lapis asked, handing over the password. “You know, since you’re already here. It’d be a waste not to take advantage of the privacy.”

“Are we dating?” Peridot asked.

“Well, no, but-”

“Then no.” She frowned at Lapis. “I like you. I don’t want to get my hopes up and then get pushed away.”

“What if I promise to push you away?”

“Lapis.” She closed her eyes tight. “Please. I’m trying to talk to you.”

“Right.” Lapis sat down on the edge of her bed. “I’m ruining this. You’re going out of your way to be nice and I need to not ruin it.”

“And I’m working.” Peridot stared at her laptop screen. “What the fuck am I doing?”

“Working?”

Peridot turned to her. “Fuck it, do you want to make out?”

“What?”

“I’m angry at myself and you’re aesthetically pleasing.” She slammed her laptop closed. “I came over here to help you, not do more work. If you want to kiss, let’s kiss.”

“Are you sure?” Lapis said. “I’m not great at emotions.”

“That’s perfect! Me neither.”

And then things were a blur again. A much better blur. Peridot was on top of her, lips chapped and insistent against her more cautious soft ones. She let her go, doing her best not to giggle at Peridot’s aggressive tongue technique before her hands skimmed slowly down the shorter girl’s sides, feeling the smooth curve of her waist dip in below her ribs and bow out above her hips.

Exploring fingers slowly crept under Peridot’s baggy shirt, waiting for her to push her away, to ask her to stop. Instead, she felt Peridot’s eager mouth kissing across her jaw, leaving nearly painful nipping kisses down her neck. Lapis moaned and held her close. Her arms squeezed the smaller girl, making her squeak and sigh, and then delicate hands were sliding over her belly.

And somehow their shirts were off.

Nothing else came off. There was kissing and squeezing and nuzzling and moaning, but at some point it ended with them in a sweaty mess, bras still on, watching some kind of sitcom that neither of them were laughing at. Peridot’s fingers were in Lapis’s hair, smoothing out all the tangles they had made. Lapis rested her head on the smaller woman’s chest, listening to her heart while her fingers traced imaginary shapes across Peridot’s belly.

“We could try the dating thing," she whispered.

“You sure?”

“No.”

“That’s perfect,” she mumbled with a sleepy little laugh. “Me neither.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Connie hits her breaking point.


	7. Lapis 7: Limit Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Lapis fight a monster and each other.

Lapis checked the security cameras when she went in, just to make sure Connie didn't mess anything up. But she was already in such a charitable mood she didn't really mind if Connie made any mistakes. In fact, she was fairly certain she'd let it slide with only a single lightly phrased taunt. She hummed as she scrolled through the footage, knee bouncing to the beat of Steven's chiptune rock I Fight Dragons playlist and reached the end of the day.

Her head slowly turned to the side. Huh. That was weird. She stopped her fast forwarding, rewinding back and watching carefully, leaning forward in her seat. Yup. That was one hundred percent Connie Maheswaran dancing in the empty store. No sound, but just a clear enough picture that she could hazard a guess that she was singing. And definitely a clear enough picture that she could call it sexual.

She debated whether to tell Steven. On one hand, he might find it charming. On the other, he might find Connie’s performance a humiliating display. She was trying to figure it out when his hands came down on her shoulders. "So, you know when you come to work, you're supposed to work, right?"

"I'm a manager. This is work."

He snorted. "You are not a manager."

"We're all managers on this blessed day," she said, pointing at the screen and hitting play. "Look at your dumb girlfriend."

Lapis looked up at his face and found him smiling, cheeks slightly red. Of course he found it charming. Steven never made fun of anyone. So much for that. She flicked the cameras back over to the live footage and gave him a shove. "Ugh, gross. Stop being cute. Let's get crackin'."

"Why are you so smiley?" he asked as she pushed him out the door. "Why did Connie lock up alone? Are they related? Did you take the afternoon off?"

"Stop asking questions. You're not good at it." She grinned as they began their morning set up.

"Aw, come on! I gotta know!"

"I had a very bad day and then a very good day," Lapis said. She glanced at him, biting her lip. "And, uh, maybe a date with Peridot. We'll see."

He beamed. "Lapis! Oh my gosh, I'm so happy for you! Do you know where you wanna go? I know the best restaurants. Oh! There's a concert in a few days, it's a small thing. I think tickets are only ten dollars a person."

She listened to him ramble about the perfect date all morning, trying to keep all her smiling down. Steven really was a sucker for romance. And it didn't feel so bad. He was here. He was focused on her. Sure they were spending a little less time together, but that wasn't so bad, right? What was the worst that could happen?

Oh! Right. He could be stolen while she was out having fun and she'd lose him and the gems and the shop and everything she loved, and she'd go back to being locked up in a tiny little room all by herself.

By the time Steven tagged Connie in, Lapis was back to being only slightly more chipper than usual.

“You had fun last night,” Lapis said with a grin. “Forget security cameras exist?”

Connie’s cheeks reddened slightly, and she cleared her throat as she started cleaning tables. “I, uh, was having a good night. Steven and I went out on a date. My first date. So I was, uh… anyway. Are you feeling better today Lapis?”

“Better. Thanks for the day off.” She grinned. “We’re not dodging the dance thing. That was risqu é , Connie. Where’d you learn to dance like that? I thought you weren’t into music.”

“Dancing is a great way to improve coordination and body awareness,” Connie mumbled, so quiet Lapis could barely hear her, even as she leaned as far as she could manage over the counter. “So I’ve done a lot of dancing practice when I get time alone. Just a few moves. With no one looking. I’m not used to people looking at me.”

“Sure you weren’t just enjoying your first ever support skill?”

Connie’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah. Pretty sure.”

Lapis laughed, giving her a break to serve coffee instead. It was too nice a day to concern herself with Connie, and she definitely didn’t want to ask for details on whatever date night things had occurred between her and Steven. They worked and listened to music and bitched about customers as time rolled by. And right about the time Peridot was supposed to come in, there was a monstrous roar from outside.

“Alright, dancing queen,” Lapis said, grabbing Connie’s sword and shoving it into her hands. “Ready for battle?”

Connie nodded. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll follow your lead.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. Show a little initiative. Let’s just go take this thing down and I’ll bubble it. You can’t bubble, right?”

“Nope. No magic.”

Connie threw the scabbard to the floor and her broadsword suddenly seemed much bigger now that it was pointy. That’s right, she was going to have to keep an eye out for those pointy parts, wasn’t she? Steven was typically on defense and Lapis took offense and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d fought with someone else who focused on attack.

She’d just take care of the monster herself. Lapis rushed out the door, abandoning her customers and assuming Connie was hot on her heels. It was a group of corrupted somethings, little centipedes scampering along the boardwalk with a larger mother roaring as it took a chomp out of the fry shop. Peedee was screaming in there. Great. Lapis groaned, and Connie stepped in front of her, sword in a guard position. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m more of a duelist,” she muttered. “Controlling water takes a lot of focus. I can gather a lot, but I can usually only focus on one or two things at a time. This is going to take a while.”

“I’ve got your back.”

“Ugh, no. Whatever gets this done faster. Just start hitting.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Connie was off right away, her sword slashing through centipedes and leaving nothing behind - no gems. That was odd. Still, it only took Connie a few slashes to vanish the small ones, so Lapis decided to focus on the mother. She pulled water from the ocean, twisting her arms to send a wave. She noticed Connie’s startled curse as the water rushed by. The girl took a tumble on the pavement, suddenly covered in half a dozen shrieking worms, but Lapis didn’t have the focus to help with that. She turned to the big one instead.

It spat, green acid shooting out. Lapis wasn’t quite quick enough, and burning pain shot straight up her arm. Her water dropped with her concentration, and she only managed to pull a gallon to rinse the burning from her arm, leaving a bloody mess behind. She tried not to look at it. Right. Right. No Steven shield meant no time to concentrate on loads of water. She’d have to cut and stab instead of bind and drown. The monster turned back to the fry shack and worked on spitting and crushing it until rubble.

Oops. There went Peedee.

“Fuck!” Connie stumbled in front of her, bloody marks all over her clothes and arms from the chomping bugs. “There’s so many. Can’t you wash them out to sea?”

“Not without taking the whole boardwalk with me. I think the other store owners will get pissed.” Lapis grit her teeth. She could ask Connie to defend - no. “Just keep going! We’ll get it done eventually.”

“Or die,” Connie shot back. “Maybe I could keep them off you for a bit and you could-”

“You can’t even keep them off  _ you! _ ” Lapis snapped. “There’s still a bunch of them running around! Finish off the small ones and I’ll kill the mother. I just need an opening.”

“You are so…” Connie growled, slicing down another as it leapt for her. “I wish Steven was here.”

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us.” She gave Connie a shove, sending her back into battle.

Lapis pulled and pulled, water shooting up into the air. She focused on the familiar ache in her lungs, even as a burning started in her ankle, moving up her leg as one of the few centipedes Connie was finishing up dug into her leg. She wound the water up, tight, swirling, thin, shaping it into a javelin jet of shimmering, hissing water. With everything she had she pushed, running the monster through the skull and instantly turning it to smoke.

She was jolted back to reality as a loud thunk slammed beside her. She looked down just in time to hear the bug that had been gnawing at her ankle scream and vanish into smoke thanks to a well placed sword through its middle. She looked over the girl slowly. She was bloody. Wet. Bruised. Awfully grumpy, it looked like. Lapis grimaced. “You look like shit.”

“Do I?” Connie hissed.

Lapis groaned, and they hobbled back into the store, their fallen blood vanishing into smoke and sparkles as they headed inside. Their regular patrons scooted out of the way to avoid the momentary grossness of getting bodily fluids all over their skin without much comment. Such was life in Beach City.

Peridot, now situated at her spot at the counter, beamed at them. “Wow! You two look trashed!”

“Thanks, Peri,” Lapis muttered.

The water witch tossed Connie a Steven-spit infused water bottle and took one for herself. Cool, clean water poured down her throat, and she groaned as she chugged. Aches melted away, blood and bruise and burn reversed until all that was left was clean skin and clothes. She relished in the bliss of it, a little bit of love and happiness lingering from Steven’s emotional magic, then tossed the empty into the trash.

A glance at Connie showed her reacting quite the same. Her eyes were closed with a happy sigh, a slight smile on her face. And what the hell did she have to be so happy about? The terrible fight? The fact that she finally managed to land a date? Pretending that the love and happiness Steven had poured into the bottle was for  _ her  _ instead of for his  _ family _ ? The words were out before she could stop them. “You better enjoy that indirect kiss. I don’t think your little dance is going to get you a real one.”

She closed her eyes, water bottle crushed in her hand. “Okay. Thanks for ruining a nice moment. Seriously, we just got our ass handed to us, and you’re still a jerk? I covered your shift!”

“I didn’t ask you to!” Lapis retorted. “And I’m being nice. What’s the big deal? Apparently, you’re secretly some great dancer. Did you lie about being able to sing too?”

“Of course not! Why would I do that?”

She scoffed. “It’s just a little suspicious that a grown woman doesn’t know how to use a support skill!”

Connie slammed her hands down on the counter, water bottle falling to the floor. "You know what, Lapis? I don't actually have to work here. Other places are hiring! I don't know if you remember, but I'm actually pretty fucking good with a sword when you’re not too self-centered to focus on what you’re doing with half the fucking ocean!"

"So what?"

"So enjoy the payroll paperwork." Connie sheathed her sword and grabbed her bag. "And you can lock up by yourself. And you can explain to Steven why he's working all my shifts! I quit!"

She stormed out the door, slamming it behind her hard enough to rattle the cups. Peridot whistled softly. "You pushed it too far, Lazuli."

"It was a joke. About dancing.” Lapis rolled her eyes. “She’s just mad because we got beat up. She'll be back. Her little coffee nerd heart can't take being out of here."

Peridot frowned. “And what are you going to tell Steven?”

Lapis stared at the door, trying to summon up the appropriate amount of dread or fear for that. Nope. Still empty. She shrugged. “The truth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I'm not completely sure, but I think I'll be skipping next week and possibly the week after. I'm moving across the country, so I've got to put some stuff on hold. This isn't a permanent hiatus or me dropping the story, just a little break so I can get my life in order. Sorry for the inconvenience!
> 
> I love you guys. <3
> 
> Next Time: Lapis finally explains her deal.


	8. Lapis 8: Coup de Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis finally talks.

Steven didn't talk to Lapis in the morning. Or the next morning. Or for the rest of the week. He didn't play sad music or angry music. Everything was silent. Awkward. His normally genuine cheeriness to patrons was replaced with a plastic, stiff layer of customer service smiles. His genuine cheeriness to  _ her _ was replaced with a flat disappointment. She wished it was anger. It would have been so much easier to get into a brawl with him, to scream and yell and hash it out. But that wasn't Steven.

She cleared her throat as they closed up the shop, "Have you gotten anything from the Crystal Gems lately? Texts? Calls?" 

"No," he said coolly. "You know who I have been texting a lot lately?"

Lapis winced. "Yeah."

"Connie," he said, as if she hadn't spoken. "Because she doesn't work here anymore. And I work here a lot more. So we text a lot more than we talk."

"That makes sense."

"Yeah. It does. We still communicate a lot. Because that's how you repair a relationship. You communicate. And apologize when you mess up." He leaned against the roaster and crossed his arms. "And maybe actually try to make your friend feel better when his relationship suddenly turns longer distance."

"Steven," she said, words tumbling out in a rush, "It's a temporary thing! She's going to walk back in here any day. It's only been a week! She's going to miss the job and miss the money and miss you. Do you really think she can stand being out of here? She's just throwing a tantrum. She never even said she was getting fed up with me!"

"You knew she was!" he snapped. "Are you seriously going to act like you didn't know you were being mean? Lapis, you're mean to so many people. You know that you're mean! It's like you're trying to keep everyone away from you on purpose."

Her mouth went dry at the memories of snappy remarks and vague threats with her powers throwing up a wall between her and everyone who dared show her a scrap of kindness. She hadn’t thought it was so obvious, and even if it was she never thought that Steven would say it to her face. "Steven, she'll be back-"

"She got a job at the college," he cut her off. "Tutoring. It pays worse than here, but not that much. She's good at it. They're happy to see her there."

Lapis swallowed. "So you're angry that she's happier there?" That wasn't fair. That was awful. He was going to fly off the handle now.

He sighed, looking more disappointed in her than ever. "No. I'm sad that you're doing this. I'm sad you hurt Connie when she didn't do anything to you. I'm sad that you're afraid of people being nice to you. Lapis, talk to me. Please."

"I'm the bitch here!" she snapped. "I'm not the sad one. You're supposed to be fixing up your sad girlfriend. Why are you even talking to me?"

"You hurt Connie's feelings too much for her to work with you. But she's not that sad. She's mostly just mad." Steven sighed, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Please, Lapis. Just talk to me. We can get through this."

"She’s making a big deal out of nothing. She'll be back, " Lapis jerked back from him and made for the door. "I didn't say anything to her I hadn't said before."

"So maybe you shouldn't have said all that stuff!" Steven shouted.

Lapis froze, eyes wide. "Did you just yell at me?"

"Yeah! Because you’re acting like you don't even feel bad about it. You hurt someone’s feelings and you don't even care! I know you’re better than this!” His voice cracked as he stepped forward. "The Lapis I know doesn't want to  _ hurt _ people. The Lapis I know would care that I'm upset that I can't work with my friend anymore! So tell me what’s going on so we can fix this!"

Lapis swallowed the lump forming in her throat. Her fingers came up to her cheeks, finding them damp, and carefully wiped them away as she confessed, "I didn't think you were ever going to start liking anyone."

"What does that have to do with anything?”

She hugged herself, fingernails digging into her biceps. The shame of it scorched her face, seared down her throat, as the words fell out in a voice rougher than sandpaper. "I didn't think you were ever going to leave me."

Steven was quiet, and she heard a little hitch in his voice. She hoped he wasn’t about to cry, that even now she had managed to hurt him. But he came to her again, his hand back on her shoulder. "Lapis, I'm not. I won’t ever leave. You can love more than one person at once and Connie can't replace you."

"You don't  _ know _ that," she whispered.

"Peridot can't replace me either," Steven said. "You don't have to stop yourself from getting closer to her. Everything changes, Lapis, but that doesn't have to be-"

Her throat swelled shut with tears so she could barely speak. "Just stop. Please."

Steven backed off. No hugs. No comforting tousling of her hair. He was frustrated with her again, wishing she would talk, trying to probe at her. But what was there to talk about? He knew what happened. He knew why she was so afraid of losing him. What could he do? What was he supposed to say? She waited for tears, but got a hiss of air through clenched teeth instead.

“Could you go see Peridot?” he said, taking a deep, frustrated breath. “Because you won’t talk to me and I don’t think you should be alone.”

“I have to finish up.” She turned back to him, to the rest of the store, already angry she tried to leave.

“No. I’ve got it.” Steven rubbed his forehead. “Please? Promise me you’ll go see her now?”

He was being so kind. So Steven. She was about to turn into a sobbing mess in front of him, and she couldn’t stand that, so she went for anger instead. She spat, “Yeah, I’ll stop being a fucking burden on you.”

“Lapis!” he cried, but she was already storming out the door.

* * *

She went to Peridot. She had never been in the woman’s apartment before, but was unsurprised to find it much nicer than hers, albeit bare. It was studio style, a big open rectangle with a very pretty kitchen (that looked completely untouched), a desk with so much computer junk Lapis couldn’t figure out what half of it was, and a giant bed next to a giant dresser. Lapis paced over pristine carpet, growling and spitting with rage over the past few days.

“I don’t know why she’s getting so wound up over me making fun of her singing and dancing!” Lapis snapped. “And, you know, she comes off as pretty unpopular. I bet she was bullied. There’s no way I’m the worst person she’s ever met! I know a lot of insults, Peridot! I know curses!”

Peridot looked exhausted and bored by it all. “Uh huh. Where’d she learn to sing?”

“Steven’s support skill,” Lapis said absently, pushing on. She crossed her arms over her chest. “You know, I don’t even think it’s the meanest thing I’ve ever done to her. I’m pretty sure I’ve said and done worse.”

“People are usually pretty sensitive about their voices,” Peridot said, leaning her chin on her hand. “And, if I remember right, her voice is pretty new, isn’t it? Where’d she get that in tune voice, Lazuli?”

“Steven’s support skill, I just said,” she snapped. “I get being sensitive about your voice. Everyone’s sensitive about performing, I get it. But she didn’t have to throw a tantrum and quit over it. We could have talked it out! What’s the big deal?”

Peridot looked completely bemused. “Again,  _ where  _ did she learn to sing?”

“From Steven’s support skill! Would you pay atten-oh.” Lapis closed her eyes and groaned. Suddenly as exhausted as Peridot looked, Lapis fell to the floor with her hands coming up to cover her frustrated face. “Oh no. Fuck, no. Don’t tell me it’s that. Peridot, please. That’s an actually serious thing! You can do this to me!”

“You made fun of someone who spent their whole life friendless for finally being happy about making a friend,” Peridot said, putting the nails in her coffin. “It was her first support skill  _ ever _ , Lazuli. Most people try out support skills when they’re little kids. You might as well have called her a friendless loser to her face.”

“Stop talking, Peridot. I got it,” she groaned.

Peridot continued on, blissfully unaware of Lapis’s pain. “And it probably makes it even worse that she was about to start dating him, so now she’s got weird feelings about that.”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“Do you? Because you didn’t a second ago.” Peridot held up a finger and pulled out her phone. “Hold on, I have notes about your characters that could better explain.”

“You’re making it weird!” Lapis whined. “Peri, don’t tell me you took notes on us and get over here and make out with me.”

Peridot hopped out of the bed, sliding over to Lapis and her tragic spot on the floor. Lapis smiled, eager for a kiss, only to squeal as Peridot dug into her pocket and tugged out her phone. The blond’s fingers tapped quickly across the screen, and then the phone was shoved into Lapis’s hands. She read the words and felt anxiety creep in. Sent to Sword Weeb was the simple text, “Meet me on the beach in front of the shop at seven. We need to talk.”

Lapis looked up at her, betrayed. “Why would you do this?”

“Because you need Steven.” Peridot smiled a little, ruffling her hair. “Come on, Lapis. You’re brave enough to manage an apology, right?”

Lapis dove forward, her lips hot on the smaller girl’s. Soon she was over her, pinning her softly to the fluffy carpet as hands explored and their mouths moved with slow, needy fervor. No more talking. No more thinking. Just heat to beat back the cold ocean water that always threatened to chill her to her core. Just blissful silence to cover up the words she was going to have to pull from the depths of her soul to make it right.

* * *

Connie was on the beach by the time Lapis arrived at six forty five. Of course she was. Punctual and proper, even if she was dressed in the lazy baggy sweatpants and loose shirt that she always wore. Lapis bit back a groan as she walked up to her, sitting beside her on the bench, and cringed as Connie scooted slightly away.

“Evening, Lapis,” she mumbled, closing her book (something very political from the looks of it) and tucking it away in her bag. “You wanted to talk about something?”

Lapis looked out at the ocean, slowly breathing in the brine. Deep breath. Count to three. Hold for three. Breathe out for three. She could breathe. She was alive. She was here. “Do you care about swearing?”

“No,” she said flatly. “But if you’re going to call me names, I’m leaving.”

Lapis winced. “No, I just… alright. Fuck. Listen, I know I’ve been a bitch. I’ve been a fucking awful person and I’m always a fucking awful person and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to be better. I’ve got this big fucked up backstory but that doesn’t excuse anything I’ve done. It doesn’t excuse who I am.”

Connie looked at her from the corner of her eye. “You shouldn’t call yourself an awful person, even if you haven’t been a great one. Life is hard. I haven’t always been the best person either. I’m sure Steven’s done some bad stuff too.”

“Oh, no. Steven’s pretty perfect.” Lapis closed her eyes and leaned back. “He’s everything to me. He saved me from awful stuff. I tried to save him from awful stuff, but I didn’t do a very good job.”

“You don’t have to tell me if it’s private,” Connie murmured. “Especially if Steven wouldn’t want me to know.”

“You’ll find out eventually. It’s important, working at the shop.”

Lapis took a moment to brace herself. Connie sat, her hands folded patiently in her lap. There was no pressure, no insistence. It was all on Lapis. It might have been easier if there was. Sometimes a push could get everything started more smoothly. She might not have felt guilt creeping up on her for being so nasty if Connie wasn’t being so respectful right now. But she was, and there was no way out, so she began:

“We don’t really know all the details, because the past is a mess, but Steven’s mom, Rose, was involved in some big stuff. She spent her whole life trying to heal the gem monsters, trying to turn them back into humans. People don’t like it. I don’t know who, but there’s some organization out there that hates it.”

The other girl frowned. “Is that why Beach City gets attacked so much?”

“We think so,” Lapis confirmed. “The Crystal Gems are constantly on quests to find new artifacts, new magic, all in the hopes of fixing the monsters some day. They were really stuck here in Beach City for a while, protecting Steven until he was old enough to protect himself. When he was a kid, um… they…”

Lapis felt her throat constrict, worry pounding in. She shut her eyes against it, steadied herself against the pain of it. “When Steven was a kid, they sent someone to kidnap him. She was a Warrior, all strength and health. Absolutely unstoppable. She called herself Jasper, sh-she just kept coming. Pearl ran her through with swords and spears. Amethyst whipped her to pieces. Garnet bashed her head in. None of it mattered. She came back over and over, just to die. We killed her dozens of times.”

“God,” Connie breathed, her fingers coming up to her lips. Death wasn’t the end of the world, but it wasn’t pleasant, especially with such slow, violent combat. And resurrecting was never fun either, the few times Connie had gone through it. She had read that doing it over and over stacked up, wearing on your body, so there would be screaming in your ears and throbbing headaches and wounds that didn’t properly heal. To die dozens of times in quick succession was nightmarish. “For Steven? Why?”

“We don’t know. Pearl has theories that she’s passionate about, but they aren’t any good.” Lapis laughed a little. “They’re actually really, really boring. If she starts talking, do your best to look interested. She gets really mad about it.”

The Swordfighter tapped her chin thoughtfully. “So, Steven is really important and no one knows why. Someone doesn’t want monsters to turn back into humans, and they must think it’s possible if you’re worth the effort to stop. Some scary mercenary came back over and over, and  _ you _ weren’t the one to kill them, so… What does this have to do with you?”

She ran a hand through her hair, trying to speak without calling up the memory. “The gems were out. Jasper came to the beach. I was there and Steven was there. I wasn’t a very strong Water Witch then, maybe a few gallons at most, but it’s enough to make death a really awful thing. But I knew… I knew killing her didn’t solve it. I knew she’d come back.”

She stood then, pacing in front of Connie. “I must of looked greedy or needy or something. I was so desperate to figure out a way to make her really go away. Water Witch is so rare and valuable, I guess she saw a chance. She told me that if I fused with her, she’d leave Steven alone. We could go do something else. We could find bigger jobs to do, because together we’d be so strong.

“And I knew it was wrong, Connie, I did. I knew it was an awful thing to do, but I knew that I had the control for water powers and she didn’t. She couldn’t handle it. And I knew if we fused I could hold her. I know imprisoning someone is the worst thing you can do. I know that not letting them die, to move on… I know it’s the worst, but what else could I do?” Her voice was frantic, her hands shaking as she clutched them to her chest. Her heart fluttered like a hummingbird’s, too fast to be alright.

“I drowned us. I drowned us and I trapped us and… No.” She stopped herself, shaking her head hard. She turned back to Connie, determined to get through everything.

“It  _ wasn’t _ drowning,” Lapis explained. “I couldn’t drown us if I wanted to. Water Witches can’t drown at all, we can breathe underwater. Our fusion, Malachite, could breathe underwater too. But even if I could have, I wouldn’t have. If she died, she would have just come back. Over and over, just like before. She was relentless. We could never get her to tell us why she was coming for Steven. She just wanted to take him. I…”

She closed her eyes. “Steven means everything. Water Witch is an inherited class. You’ve got to do something crazy to get it if a parent doesn’t have it, and I was born with it. My mom did the crazy stuff to get it, some kind of weird drowning ritual, and I guess it made her unstable. I spent most of my childhood locked up in my room, only getting to go to school. She was so scared to give me water that she turned off our utilities. I had to shower at school. I couldn’t drink water at home, only juice and milk. She was sure that I was looking for a reason to hurt her. And, eventually, she was right. She made herself right.”

She smiled a little, bitter and cold. “And then a topaz monster attacked, and I got out. I was hiding in my room and crying and afraid, because my room locked from the outside and I couldn’t leave. Steven talked to me through the door. He told me it would be okay. He broke it down and led me out of that awful place and…” She laughed. Or sobbed. One of the two. It didn’t matter, because it was all coming out for once. “He saved me. The Crystal Gems took me in because of him. So that’s why when someone wanted to take him away, I…”

“Protected him,” Connie finished. “You had to. You owed him everything.”

“Yes! Exactly! I’d been training so hard with my powers all the time because I was so excited to be by the ocean and help the gems and I never stopped. I was already so strong by the time Jasper came, and she wanted that more than anything. So when she offered to fuse, I thought that was the perfect chance. I could pay Steven back for everything. I could save him.”

She swallowed and looked to Connie. “There’s things with the fusion I can’t talk about.”

Connie held up her hands. “No, of course not. You don’t need to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

“Then I wouldn’t talk at all.” Lapis laughed weakly. “But I don’t want to talk about the fusion part. It’s private. But I can say that combined, the two of us didn’t need to eat or breathe or sleep. We could drink ocean water. So we could stay down there as long as we wanted. It didn’t feel good, because my powers feel like drowning. You know when you hold your breath as long as you can and your lungs start to spasm, right before it gets too much and you have to breathe? That’s what it feels like. Right at the edge of too much. And I held us there for three months.

“Every time she fought me, she got stronger. Every time I dragged her down, I got stronger.”

Connie hissed, cringing away. “Your level. I asked if you drowned ants and-”

“You weren’t as far off as I made you think.” Lapis groaned. “Fuck! Everything about who I am, what I am, is stuck down there. Everything that happened was for Steven! I can’t imagine my life without him. The thought of him leaving me kills me, and I took all of that out on you in the worst way, just like I did with Jasper.”

“I didn’t make a monster attack me just to lure Steven away from you.”

“It wasn’t you. It was him. He’s liked you the whole time.” She shrugged. “Not like I could take it out on him, right? I was jealous and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have. I was mean and I was awful and I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not like you’ve had the easiest time,” Connie sympathized. “I can’t really understand, but I get how bad that must hurt. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know. I accept your apology for the way you’ve been acting. That’s definitely all on you.” She drummed her fingers on her knee. “You want me back, right?”

Lapis mumbled, “Steven likes you. You work hard. You’re a good employee.”

“Coworker,” Connie corrected. “I work less so I don’t expect an equal cut, but if I come back, I want to be treated like an equal. End the probation early and make the hourly wage equal.”

Lapis blinked. “You’re just going to bargain for salary? You’re not going to yell at me?”

“I don’t want to yell at you,” Connie said. “You’re sad. You’re trying to make up. I want to yell at you when you’re being awful. Am I allowed?”

“Of course. What’s stopping you?” Lapis frowned, and Connie glared at her. “What?”

“Lapis, you were my  _ boss _ ,” Connie snapped. “No, I  _ couldn’t!  _ You could’ve fired me for getting mad! When I worked at Diamond Days I had to put up with every guy who said ‘I could go for a mocha… and a cup of coffee’. And I had to put up with constantly changing shifts and a boss telling me to take one for the team and do some clocked out work. I had to put up with guilt trips trying to get unpaid overtime because things were just so tight. I had to take all of it, because that’s what work looks like to everyone else! That’s what having a barista job is for most people! Not playing music and joking with friends and insulting people to their face!”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. Also unions are important, but that’s a really long speech and I don’t have my visual aids.” She looked absolutely devastated by the prospect.

Lapis blinked. “Your  _ what _ ?”

“If I can stick up for myself and you’re going to be nice, I can work with you. Promise me that I have to be voted out to be fired and that it’s not your decision and I’ll come back.”

Lapis winced. “I’m still awful all the time. I’m a terrible person.”

“I doubt it, but as long as I don’t have to grin and bear it, I can take anything you throw.” Connie looked at her fiercely. “I’ve heard worse. I’ve been through worse than you being catty. I just can’t stand doing it unarmed.”

Lapis held out her hand. “Then welcome aboard, coworker. Can you do latte art?”

“About as well as you do Peridot,” Connie said. Lapis felt her mouth drop open as Connie gave a wry little smirk, “Speaking of, what did Peridot say when you told her all this?"

Lapis scoffed. "I haven't told Peridot."

"But aren't you dating?"

"So?"

"It sounds like this is a pretty big thing for you. I would have thought you wanted to tell her." Connie frowned. "I'm sure she'd want to know."

"Yeah, but I care about what she thinks of me." She smirked. "That makes it a lot harder than telling you."

"Is it really that hard to avoid being snarky for a minute?" Connie muttered.

"Yeah, actually. It's a defense mechanism." She swallowed. "But, uh, I'm definitely using it too much. Especially on you. You're not actually that bad."

"That...actually means a lot."

Lapis awkwardly put her arm over Connie's shoulder, and the younger girl stiffened. "What's happening?"

"We're hugging."

Connie glanced down at the arm, then back to Lapis. "Are we?"

"It's as close as we're going to get."

"Fair enough." Connie raised her arm. "I could...?"

"Baby steps."

She lowered her arm back down. "Fair enough."

And then, in the very still night, Connie began to shake, and suddenly jerked away. Her hands ran over the place Lapis touched her, in wonder or horror Lapis couldn’t tell. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I just can’t do that. I’m glad we’re working this out. I’m glad we’re becoming friends, but I can’t handle that. Please don’t touch me.”

Lapis swallowed. “Did someone touch you without asking? You might have noticed from my story that I’m really down with consent and-”

“No one touched me,” Connie said, and it sounded so much more like an absolute fact than a simple denial of a traumatic event. Her bag swung up over her shoulder. “I’ll see you around, Lapis.”

She watched the tall girl walk off, and slumped weakly against the bench. “Well, Steven,” she murmured. “I got her back for you. But good luck with all of  _ that _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! It was a hard chapter and moving kicked my butt.
> 
> Buuuuut, that's the end of Lapis's arc! Up next is Connie's.


	9. Connie 1: Respawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie dies.

Being a passionate political science major at a leftist university was a bit like being a weeaboo at an anime convention. Classes felt like panels, professors felt like celebrities, and Connie could easily get caught up in listening to anyone ramble about minutiae. That was how she spent thirty starry-eyed minutes listening to her professor and a fellow classmate debate prison reform and abolition.

And then was how she found herself cursing as she sprinted across campus, bag clutched in hand as she tried to figure out a way to make it to her shift on time. Thirty minutes by bus, a ten minute drive, but she’d have to call a ride and her shift started in fifteen. It didn’t seem like there was any way to make it. She scoffed to herself. At this point, the only way she’d get there on time would be to fall on her sword, and even then she’d have to be thorough about it.

In her panic, Connie didn’t look both ways before crossing the street. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw something huge, and her brain barely managed to process BUS before it slammed into her, killing her instantly in a puff of smoke. Which, as far as deaths went, was definitely one of the easiest ones she’d ever gone through.

* * *

Beach City’s respawn center was nice, at least. Her had pounded as her blinked her eyes open on the small, comfy cot. The lights were dim on the cream colored walls, and the ambient music was blissfully soothing. She closed her eyes again, savoring the quiet comfort. Her body ached, but it was fading from the fresh pain of revival into the usual dull ache from her overworked muscles and bones. There was a soothing smell in the room, something mildly floral.

She wanted to go back to sleep. That was the usual way of revival. You laid down on the cot for an hour or two, an attendant brought you some water to recover, and then you stumbled off to fix yourself up with food and maybe coffee or a healer. But Connie had never enjoyed laying still when there was work to be done, so she groaned and pushed herself sitting.

At the foot of her bed was a small, blond child, and she nearly shrieked at the sight of him staring. She laughed nervously as she waved, pulling her knees to her chest. “Hey there, little guy. I’m sure your parents will be by to pick you up any moment.”

The child stared, unblinking. Connie gulped. It was fine. Sometimes kids were weird, right? She didn’t have a lot of practice with them. So even though this kid seemed especially weird and sent a chill down her spine, she tried to cheer him up. Dying as a kid was always scary, especially your first time. “I know whatever happened to you was really bad, but you’re all better now. You won’t be alone for long.”

“Don’t worry about him. That’s just Onion.”

Connie looked up at a black woman, maybe a little older than her, with bright gold earrings and a casual fashion. She tried to place her, sure she had seen her face at the coffee shop before, as the woman held out a water bottle. Connie took it with relief, cracking it open and taking a gulp before saying, “Kiki, right? Thank you.”

“Jenny,” she corrected. “Kiki is my twin. You’re Steven’s girlfriend, right? Connie?”

“Girlfriend is a lot,” Connie said awkwardly. “It’s only been one date, and we just went to see a kids’ movie. But, uh, yeah. I’m Connie. How’d you know?”

She pointed to Connie’s bag and weapon below the cot. “A pink broadsword is pretty memorable.”

Connie took another swing and got to her feet. Pain stabbed up her legs and back, her body demanding she lay back down for at least an hour longer. How much sleep had she gotten last night? How much sleep had she gotten this week? She rolled her shoulders. “Yeah, uh, I guess so. Thanks for the water. Do you work for tips here or…?”

“Government run. Nice and cushy and slow.” Jenny laughed. “Girl, you’re good. Chill a bit. We’re not going to charge you by the minute or anything. You can’t be feeling good to go already when you just got here.”

“Thanks, but I’ve got work.” Connie smiled weakly. That’s right, she had a whole shift ahead of her. And then she was going to have to catch the bus home, try not to fall asleep so she didn’t miss her stop, work on that paper that was due on Friday. She forced her smile brighter. “I work at a magic coffee shop! Nothing can get you back on your feet faster than that, right?”

“It’s better to rest if you can. I’m sure the crew won’t mind.”

“I mind.” Connie pinched the bridge of her nose as the headache worsened. This was going to be a nightmare. She was pretty sure she had some ibuprofen in her bag. She’d choke down a couple of those dry. “Sorry, thank you. I’ve got to get going. Oh!”

Onion held up her sword, high above his head, and Connie took it with the slightest bit of apprehension. For some reason, she felt very strongly that this child should never be given a weapon. Which was preposterous - if you didn’t let children play with weapons, how would they figure out what class they wanted to pursue?

She rushed out the door all the same and rushed into the coffee shop. Oh no. She  _ was _ late. Lapis was singing to Peridot, her voice crooning out a Mountain Goats song that she was especially fond of in recent days, “ _ Ghosts of my childhood, stay with me if you will. Find a place where there's water, hold you under 'til you’re still. _ ” Connie was pretty sure is was called  _ Outer Scorpion Squadron. _

It seemed rude to interrupt, but she was scheduled for a shift. A shift she was late for. Slipping again, Connie. Guilt clawed at her guts and she hoped that it hadn’t been too long as she stumbled up to the counter. Her head throbbed harder under the fluorescents and she demanded, without any politeness, “Coffee.”

Lapis looked up from her flirtatious talk with Peridot and drawled, “Could you be more specific?”

Connie leaned over the counter, using all of her long reach to grab the largest size paper cup and plop it down next to the register. Even that was dizzying and much too exhausting. She braced herself against the countertop and breathed deeply. “Put espresso in this. All the way to the top.”

Lapis grinned. “Did you  _ die _ ?”

Connie groaned. “Lapis? Please? I came here straight away and I feel awful.”

“Fuck, Connie,” Lapis breathed, really looking at her now. She put the cup back, grabbing a ceramic one instead, and rushed back to the machine. “Straight away like you crashed for twenty minutes and headed over? Or straight away like you just woke up like this?”

“I might’ve taken ten,” Connie said. She crawled under the counter and shoved her bags beneath it, then tried to wobble back up to her feet. Nope. That wasn’t happening. She stayed on the floor and groaned. “In my defense, I didn’t want to be late and there was a really creepy kid staring at me.”

“Yeah. Onion likes to hang out in there. He’s pretty harmless for the most part.” Lapis was letting the espresso drip, and the cup was being filled with the heavy cream of the revival special. Connie groaned to protest, and Lapis retorted before she could even make a word. “You need  _ recovery _ . I’m not letting you find the lethal dose of caffeine so you can brute force your way through a shift.”

“Cream and sugar makes me sleepy,” Connie protested.

“Then you can nap on the couch.” Steven’s warm voice came from above her, and she squeaked as she looked up. He peered over the counter at her and waved. “Hey, Connie. I can throw on some Massive Attack. It’s been a while since I listened to  _ Mezzanine _ . Classic indie rock.”

Lapis sighed. “And now  _ Teardrop _ is stuck in my head. Thanks, Steven. What flavor shot do you like, Connie?”

“Uh…” Her head swam as she stared up at Steven. Even with the space between them she could already smell his distinct sweet body wash. Sweet and vanilla. “Shouldn’t you be at home? Your shift is over.”

“What, and leave Lapis alone? She’d burn down the shop. On purpose.” He laughed. “What flavor?”

_ Don’t say vanilla,  _ she scolded herself, even though she could think of nothing else but the smell sugar cookies coming off his skin. What went with sugar cookies? Snickerdoodles. They were just a better sugar cookie. That was a flavor. She smiled and said, “Cinnamon.”

A few seconds later and Lapis knelt in front of her, pushing a hot cup into her hands. Connie’s fingers wrapped around it, savoring the warmth and the ceramic. She had read it was so comforting because it was like holding hands. Giving someone a hot cup was kind of like holding their hand, right? If the person in question was too cowardly to hold anyone’s hand, surely a hot cup of coffee was a reasonable substitute.

Lapis was grinning, and Connie realized she had been staring blankly ahead. “Geez, you’re out of it. I’m surprised Jenny let you leave.” Her hand stretched out for a second to boost her up, then tugged back as she remembered that Connie was a coward. Instead, she said, “Go get on the couch before we trip all over you.”

She stumbled to her feet, careful not to spill the drink Lapis had so kindly made for her. She forced one foot in front of the other until she crashed onto the couch, barely managing to keep upright. The folksy rock of the Mountain Goats shifted into a slower, mellow thumping beat. Sweetness curled on her tongue, coating it in rich dairy fat as she sipped slowly at the recovery special. She had made it countless times in her days working at the coffee shop, but she had never tried it herself. It was nice. So nice. Her stomach and head and hands were all full of the most wonderful heat.

Lapis, Peridot and Steven were talking as the attended to customers, laughing about TV and music and books. There was hair tugging and playful shoves and even the occasional silly kiss across a laptop and a register. She drank as she watched, and it was gone much too quickly.

“That’s not good,” she mumbled, head swimming as she set the cup down. She was more tired than ever now. She was always tired, but a few shots of espresso weren’t enough to compensate for everything else. She leaned back on the couch, promising to get to work in just a minute. Steven needed to go home, after all, and weren’t they dating now? She had to be better for him. His voice was singing along, blending with Lapis’s, as he played  _ Teardrop  _ on the shop speakers to get it out of her head.

_ Love, love is a verb _

_ Love is a doing word _

_ Fearless on my breath. _

It was so irresponsible to fall asleep. She had been hired to do a job. She had demanded an equal pay. They were already so kind, so accommodating. So sweet to act like they were friends. So bafflingly strange that Steven wanted to date her when she couldn’t stand to hold his hand. She had to be better. She had to work harder. She couldn’t fall asleep.

But consciousness was as fluid as sand, and slipped out of her grasping hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Time for Connie's arc. Leaning heavy into the romance stuff for hers.


	10. Connie 2: Prestige Class

It had been a week since their last date. Steven had not asked her on another one. She thought that their date had gone well. They saw an animated fantasy movie, simple and sweet, and then shared donuts on the dock. It had really just been like hanging out with a friend. Well, she didn’t really have friends, but she figured that their date was what having friends felt like. Maybe that was the problem. He didn’t feel the same romantic tension she did, so he had no desire to ask her out again. They would just never talk about it again and let their relationship settle back into a slowly blossoming friendship. That would be enough.

Except no. It wasn’t. It obviously wasn’t. Every time Steven leaned in and tried to teach her how to make an odd customer order, her senses were swamped in heat and vanilla. She was trying to keep herself distracted and he was so kind to oblige her. It was easy to get him talking. She would just ask, “What this band called?” and Steven would spend the next hour educating her on the virtues or Metric of Metallica or Anamanaguchi, and she would do her best to focus on his words instead of the tingles his voice made along the back of her neck.

It reached a head at the end of a shift, the shop closed up and Snow Patrol’s _ Chasing Cars _ drifting through the evening lit shop. There they were, barely a foot apart, listening to romantic music in romantic lighting. She was staring, heart thudding so loud she feared he could hear it over the gentle piano. At least he was staring too, both of them frozen in place as tension filled the room like humidity.

_ Maybe we’ll just die here _ , Connie thought dully. Then, with horror, realized that would just leave them to wake up next door, where the awkwardness would not only continue, but continue with a small yellow toddler watching.

Steven almost shouted, his voice cracked, “I have a really stupid idea but we can’t tell Lapis.”

“Let’s hear it!” she said eagerly, almost hysterically, as reprieve came from the awful tension in the room.

“The corrupted gems. Maybe we could put them in a recovery special with my magic and that could do something?” He laughed nervously and shuffled back. “It’s really dumb, but I’ve been thinking about it for forever. I don’t want to do it by myself in case the monster reforms, but I can’t tell Lapis because it’s way too stupid.”

She grinned. “Let’s do it.”

“Really?” His eyes widened. “Even though it’s dumb?”

Connie laughed as she put the last chair up on the table. “Especially because it’s dumb! You’d be surprised how many times stupid ideas do something amazing. Just let me grab my sword for safety.”

She darted behind the counter, and off they went. Things were cozy with Steven once the touching question was back on the backburner. She had never clicked with someone so fast, had never fallen so deeply into total trust. There was just something about Steven that she couldn’t explain, a feeling that he was supposed to be by her side and she was supposed to be by his. They were destined to be friends. But Connie did have a habit of making her world into a story.

Still, as they headed down to the basement, she couldn’t help but think that Steven felt the same way. He talked to her. He listened to her. And even now, the keys rattled in the lock and brought her deeper into his world, into doing something important. She was a political science major for just this reason. It felt like fate to be doing something so big, even if it was silly. Steven set the bowl on the cement basement floor, and hopped to grab a bubble floating above.  _ He  _ floated, just a little, before bringing it down and holding it steady in his hands. He looked back at her. “Ready?”

She brought her sword into a ready stance and nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll be here if anything goes wrong.”The bubble popped and he dropped it into the coffee. They stood with bated breath, hoping for pink light, a transformation, anything at all. But, as time ticked by, they exchanged a look. Smiles. Giggles. They doubled over with laughter, Steven struggling to bubble the gem before it formed, his hands shaking with mirth from the ridiculousness of it all.

“I can’t believe we just did that!” he gasped.

“ _ You  _ did it,” she retorted. “I just indulged your stupidity.”

“Oh yeah?  _ My  _ stupidity? Didn’t you say we should do it  _ especially  _ because it’s dumb?”

She hummed. “No doesn’t sound like me.”

They were still giggling when Steven’s phone rang. He picked up the call. “Hey, Garnet! What’s up?” His eyes widened, and Connie wished she could shuffle closer to hear the other end of the call.  _ Garnet,  _ one of the world famous Crystal Gems, was just casually on the phone with the guy she was sort of dating. He looked almost as excited as she felt. “Oh my gosh, really? Right now? Yeah! We’re just in the basement. Um, me and the new hire. Connie. The one I’m dating.” His cheeks flushed as he smiled and glanced her way, and she was sure her expression matched his. So they  _ were _ dating, not just sort of. So why hadn’t he asked her out again? “We’ll be right up, hanging out on the couch and talk for a while. Connie’s a big fan, so she’ll love seeing you. Love you!”

Connie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of dating shoved out of her mind as the realization hit. “Wait, now? They’re here? The Crystal Gems are upstairs and want to talk to me?” She choked. “I mean, to  _ us! _ They’re your moms. Of course they want to talk to you.”

He giggled, teasing, “You okay? Should I tell them you have an emergency and have to run home?”

“No! I want to meet Pearl more than anything!”

“She’s really that important to you? I mean, I know she’s cool but…” He wrinkled his nose. “She’s the woman who made me clean my room and did all my laundry and tried to make chores fun with really bad puns.”

Connie grinned, counting off Pearl’s amazing attributes on her fingers. “So she’s an amazing freedom fighter, saves cities from gem monsters, fights with the grace of a ballerina, and then she came home and was a great mom? That’s even more amazing! How can you not see that?”

“She’s a dork.”

“I’m a dork!” Connie gushed. “Maybe she could like me!”

“She’ll love you,” Steven promised, he hand reaching out for a moment before falling away. Connie tried not to wince at the sight, a mix of guilt and shame. She was going to have to fix that somehow. He gestured instead for her to follow him, and she did, fantasizing about what it would feel like to have his hand cupped against hers, guiding her up to the shop. She was sure his hand would be warm, bigger and heavier than her own. She wondered if he’d be calloused since he was a fighter, or if his hands would be smooth everywhere but the tips of his fingers where he plucked and pushed at strings.

She saw them through the broad glass window and her heart slammed down into her clenching belly. Amethyst, a Barbarian that specialized in whips. Garnet, a permafusion of Ruby and Sapphire, who together made a powerful Brawler with heavy gauntlets and an assortment or incredible powers. And, Pearl, the graceful Sword and Spearfighter, the woman who had inspired her to pick up a sword at all. Once nothing more than a fantasy, now a real person of flesh and blood and  _ Connie was dating her adopted son _ .

“You okay?” Steven asked, more serious now. Her face must have been terrified. “We don’t ever have to do something you don’t want to. I’ll make up a lie for you. I know they’re famous. It’s okay if it’s too much.”

But she didn’t want it to be too much. Nothing in his fantastical life should be too much for her to handle - she wanted to be a hero. Heroes did not shy away from meeting other heroes. They didn’t shy away from hugs, either, but that was for another day. Today, she was focused on meeting important people. She was going to be a hero some day, and the Crystal Gems would be her peers. Her fingers flexed on the familiar, comforting hilt in her hands. She had won competitions. She strode into arenas and people screamed her name. Courage, courage, courage.

She smiled and tucked her sword away. “I’ve got this, Steven.”

They entered the shop and in an instant Amethyst was on her. Her nearly violet eyes were shocking against her dark olive skin, and her wild mane of hair was dyed a nearly blinding neon violet. She was inches away, not touching, but her enthusiasm was so intense Connie almost felt like she was wrapped up in a hug. “So  _ you’re _ Connie? Oh my gosh, you really  _ are _ taller than Steve-O! How-”

“Six four,” she said, cutting off the question as she held out her hand. She hadn’t realized how short Amethyst was until she realized just how far down she had to angle her hand. “It’s an honor to meet you, ma’am. I promise I’m taking great care of the shop.”

“Oooh, ma’am,” Amethyst giggled and looked back at Pearl. “She thinks I’m fancy enough to get a ma’am.”

Pearl smirked. “Give it time.”

_ She’s so cool _ , Connie thought, brain buzzing with endorphins and adrenaline. It was almost as good as a fight. She nearly fainted at the idea of getting to spar with the gems. And then Garnet was giving her hand a good shake, the black woman’s afro so big it cast a shadow over the girl. Connie gawked. Everything about Garnet oozed confidence, knowledge, truth. What else could be expected from someone who could see the future?

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Connie. Steven’s told us so much about you.”

Connie had tried to be cool, but it washed away under Garnet’s impossible impressive presence. The nerdiness tumbled out anyway. “Thanks. He hasn’t told me anything about all of you because I already know everything.”

Garnet grinned. “It’s nice to see we’re inspiring young heroes. I think Steven said Pearl is the reason you picked up a sword.”

Connie’s voice cracked as she looked back at the grinning boy, almost smug. Well, he certainly had a teasing side, didn’t he? She once again imagined a spar, this one thoroughly punishing for the cocky look on his face. “Oh, he did? I-I mean, it’s true, but not in a creepy way. It was a magazine article, not stalking.”

Pearl flowed up from the couch like ribbons in the wind, every movement grace and beauty, and held out an alabaster hand. Connie shook it in a dream, unsure if she was even breathing. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Connie. Lapis said you’re quite the fighter, and Steven’s never taken a shine to anyone like you.”

She was sure her eyes were wide as saucers. “Thank you,” she breathed. “For the compliments. For existing. I-I know this is crazy, but you totally changed my life.”

A blush rose in her hero’s cheeks. She had made Pearl  _ blush! _ “Well, you hope to make a difference, but when someone says it straight to your face it still seemed impossible to believe. It’s usually Garnet who gets this kind of praise.”

“Well, it’s just…” Connie fumbled, trying not to gush but knowing it was inevitable. Words tumbled out, too knowledgeable and too passionate as always: “You came from nothing. Your family was poor, practically all Tailors, and everyone told you that you couldn’t fight, that you weren’t strong enough, or worthy enough. A-and you didn’t listen! You learned to fight and you didn’t just prove people wrong, you  _ saved _ people. You wanted to change the world and make a difference and you  _ did _ . Maybe that won’t be me, but if I don’t try it  _ can’t _ be me. And if everyone was wrong about you, maybe my family could be wrong about me.”

Her eyes were full of tears, her voice strained like an idiot. She wiped them away as her face heated. “I’m sorry. That was so weird.”

“No. It was beautiful,” Pearl said, and as Connie’s eyes cleared she saw tears running down Pearl’s face. “Very heartfelt. I’m actually quite the sap when it comes to these kinds of things.”

And then they  _ talked. _ Connie sat down at a table and stare at the Crystal Gems and they all had a conversation like normal human beings. Steven talked to them about town gossip and TV shows and weird things he cooked up in the kitchen and they talked back. They loved him. He loved them. She had known that, but her head still reeled to see it. She talked a little, but mostly she watched and appreciated what familial intimacy could look like.

They talked late into the afternoon, and Connie was wowed when Pearl separated from the group to talk to her personally. Connie held out her card, blushing and panicking as Pearl praised her stats. They chatted about Connie’s skills, her goals both as a fighter and as an academic. Connie waited for the inevitable moment of Pearl insisting she wasn’t good enough for her son, but it never came.

Though, there was a moment of weirdness - shocking and out of the blue as Pearl’s eyes went terribly intense. “Connie, I can’t tell you why, but I would like it very much if you could do whatever is possible to level your perception stat. It’s already quite high, and I don’t think you need much more for what I plan to ask of you.”

“It’s important?” Connie asked.

Pearl nodded once, firmly. “More than I can possibly say. I know that I’m not a-”

It didn’t matter. Whatever Pearl claimed she wasn’t didn’t matter, because Pearl had overcome everything. Pearl was the reason she had a sword strapped to her back, why she had any shred of confidence or strength or courage at all. She nodded, unquestioning and fully trusting and promised, “Yes, ma’am. I’ll grind the stat.”

Pearl looked so relieved. Connie was going to need a lot of true crime novels.

* * *

Lapis swirled the nearly empty beer bottle in her hand, her room smelling like sex and liquor. Peridot was stretched out on the bed beside her, the smaller girl already tanked. Her voice slurred slightly as she said, “Lazuli, the dumbest thing I ever did was… was goin’ to my boss and sayin’ to her face that she was a fuckin’ melon. I didn’t say  _ fucking _ melon, just melon. But her password was one two three four one, Lapis. She was a fuckin’ walnut and I had t’say it. I had to. Whabout you?”

She giggled, covering her face with one hand. “I mixed Steven’s healing potion with a recovery special and threw a gem monster in it.”

Their eyes met. As time ticked by, they started to smile. Giggle. They rolled on Lapis’s bed with laughter, until the beer was set aside and they found much better things to do with their mouths.


	11. Connie 3: Social Link

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie works to get closer to Steven.

More days had passed, and Steven still hadn’t asked her out on another date. He hadn’t pushed for anything at all, and Connie desperately wanted to kiss him. They were together alone in the empty coffee shop, with the lights out so only sunlight lit the room. No one was on the boardwalk. They were alone, and Steven had put on some slow, romantic playlist. That had to mean something, didn't it? It had to mean that romantic things like kissing were on the table. They were dating, weren’t they? People who dated kissed.

It could be so, so very easy. She wiped tables and thought about it. If she walked up and asked him to kiss her, he'd probably do it right then. Even if it was just on the cheek, he'd... Connie winced at the spike of anxiety from the fantasy. That wasn't fair. She wanted to. She really wanted to! No one ever told her that the heart racing, dizzying feeling of being in love was so similar to a panic attack. No one had ever told her that the burning intensity from someone else's eyes could make her feel as raw and exposed as standing in front of an auditorium. These were all good feelings, splattered in the awful paint of her anxiety and cloaking them in bad.

Her fingers clenched hard around the rag as she grit her teeth. Hadn't she been lonely enough? So touch-starved that being disarmed was nearly euphoric, a chance to grab a wrist or a leg and feel the warmth of another person's skin for the briefest instant? But maybe that wasn't enough. Cowardice and fear kept her from asking for the hugs she was sure her parents would give her, if she could find the courage to ask. So maybe she just wasn't lonely enough. Maybe she didn't deserve that affection yet.

It was so much worse now that she was so close. Working with him was more painful every day. She didn't understand how she could be so aware of his body heat, even when working in front of the warm roaster. She didn't understand how she could be so disoriented just from him leaning over her shoulder, explaining some weird quirk in the register system, and filling her mind more with the smell of sugar and vanilla that always surrounded him than the words he was saying.

Too often she found herself on the brink of trembling, wanting nothing more than to beg for the gentle headpats and shoulder touches and hand holds and hugs that everyone else he met got. He had to be respectful, didn't he? He had to care that she was a pathetic, nervous wreck when it came to the lightest physical contact. She was going to have to ask for him to touch her.

Connie finished wiping down the table. Courage, courage, courage. She had to have some somewhere. When did she have it? In combat? What was she supposed to do, spar Steven just for the chance to touch him? Her heart fluttered and she started to feel elated. She fumed at herself. No. That was not a healthy coping strategy. She couldn't just slice her way out of fearing physical touch. She had to do it the hard way.

Though... Her eyes flicked to her sword. Training wheels could be arranged? She finished off the tables and took up her sword. Immediately, her nerves were steadier. Her stance shifted wider. She gave a shaky sigh of relief before plunging back into fear. "Hey, Steven, want to see something neat?"

He looked at the sword in her hands and grinned. "Are you gonna show me awesome sword stuff?"

Her heart sunk for a second. He was raised by the Crystal Gems, by Renegade Pearl. He probably knew more about swords than she could ever hope to learn. (Thinking about Pearl made her think about true crime, which made her think about girls like her who thought their male companions were quite sweet before they were locked up in a basement somewhere, and  _ that _ made her think that she should probably stop reading so much true crime and find another way to grind her perception.) She focused back in. He might find  _ her _ sword skills interesting. He seemed to find a lot about her interesting. "I was, uh, going to show you a sword trick? But you've probably seen that a lot."

"Maybe once or twice when I hung out with Bismuth," Steven said with a shrug. "Pearl tried to teach me sword stuff once, but, uh..." 

She giggled as his face reddened. "Were you bad at it?"

"No, uh, Pearl summoned a clone and it killed her." His ears went pink. "It was the first time I saw someone die, so I cried. A lot. I sobbed the whole way to the nearest respawn spot, with everyone trying to calm me down. And then I didn't really want to learn about swords. I got over it! Just took a bit, and by then I was pretty happy being on defense."

"Oh no." She covered her mouth, struggling not to laugh at him. "I'm sorry, that's too cute. How old were you?"

"What did you want to show me?" he said quickly, stepping up beside her. Warm vanilla sugar. Where did he shop? 

"It's a performance more than a useful battle tool," she said, taking a step back. Connie twisted the blade through the air, slowly at first but working up to a baton twirl, passing it back and forth as the deadly blade whirled. "It's just showing off, I guess. Good grip, being comfortable, fast movement. It's probably not that..." 

But she trailed off, beaming as she saw the delight in his starry eyes. Of course Steven loved it. Steven loved everything, whether it was a failed karaoke attempt or an Olympic level sprint. She did a few twirls, a few tosses, putting her all in to make sure the effort was worthwhile. And with her confidence fully stoked, she caught the sword and said, "Do you want to try a swing, or are you still traumatized?" 

He grinned. "Yeah! Show me!" 

He held out his hand, still a couple steps away. She swallowed. Her hands slowly came to rest on his. Steven was frozen as she took his hand, warm and so soft for a fighter. She had wondered about that, and now she knew. Soft hands. Gentle hands. She tried not to savor it, and then immediately gave up. She was shaking all over and her heart was pounding and maybe she'd throw up, but her hand was touching his. Both of his! As she carefully worked his fingers into the right place, she whispered, "Is this okay?"

"More than okay." She heard him swallow. "You don't have to do this. It's okay to be scared."

"Not of you," she said back, and squeezed his hands tight. That was enough at once. She stood back, every nerve buzzing. "Have at it, Steven."

"Uh, could you hold on?" He let go of the sword with one hand, sniffling a little as he wiped his eyes. He ruined her placement, but she didn’t care. "I need a sec."

She felt tears burn at hers too, and nodded. "Yeah. It's fine. Take your time."

Connie guided him through some maneuvers, giggling at his tanky way of moving, swinging the sword like a hammer rather than something sharp. He cut a long slice down one of the tables, and when he kissed it to heal it she was honestly suspicious for a moment. That wasn’t a normal healing ability at all. Saying anything about it out loud felt too stupid, too silly, so she bit her tongue and tried to enjoy the afternoon with him, but as things moved on she could feel exhaustion dragging at her. She had a paper to turn in the next day too.

“You’re yawning,” he said. “Need a break?”

She covered her mouth and shook her head. “Nope. Just coffee.”

He frowned. “Connie, I-”

And she really didn’t want to hear it, so she did something else she had been planning to do all night. She interrupted him and said, “I’d like it if you started touching me.”

She realized that it was an awkward way to say it, but it didn’t feel awkward in the room. Steven grabbed her sheath from the table she left it on, sliding her sword in as he talked. “Do you want to tell me why you’re so uncomfortable with people touching you before I do?” He came back to her, sword outstretched with a little smile. She may have been taller, but he was bigger, and yet she somehow never felt scared for a moment by his side, never feared he would grab or prod.

Connie put her sword back on her back, comforted and safe with it nearby. “No friends. My family doesn’t like to touch much. My experience with people  _ talking  _ about touching in general is…”

_ I could go for a tall mocha. Are you free later? _

_ Fucking Maheswaran, man. Want her to crush my head like a watermelon. _

_ Y’know, even among athletes it’s pretty rare to have a rack  _ and  _ abs. _

“People are gross,” she finished. “No one ever made it sound nice before, you know? But everyone here is holding hands and rubbing heads and that seems like something nice to have. I’d like hugs that are just hugs. I’d like to stop being a coward and be brave enough to be normal.”

He smiled. “I don’t know how anyone could ever think you’re a coward.”

Steven’s fingers unfurled like petals in the sun, his hand stretching out for hers. She had hoped that he would do the touching for her. That he would just reach down and cradle her hand in his, and everything would be soft and easy. Instead, her hand hovered in the air over his - sweet Steven, kind Steven, patient Steven. Steven with so many odd things about him, who someone had once wanted to kidnap so badly they died again and again. Steven and his famous mothers.

His hand was warm in hers. She was breathless, heart pounding as he brought her hand to his mouth and gently, gently brushed soft lips against the back of her hand with a little smile. “My lady. Dost thou-eth need some rest-eth?”

“Maybe,” she whispered, because if she spoke any louder, her voice would crack. “Should I go home?”

“If you want, but you could stay.” His thumb rubbed across where his lips had been, and she relished in the difference in warmth and textures and pressures. “I could talk to you for hours about anything. It could be our second date, if you wanted. I don’t know if you liked the first one.”

“I loved the first one.”

They crashed on the sofa, close enough that they sometimes touched, and talked for hours.

* * *

Steven could appreciate a pretty person. He always had. Humans were beautiful in all their shapes and sizes, in all stages of undress. He appreciated the aesthetics of humanity in the same way one might appreciate a sunrise, a hunting tiger, or a horse running along the beach. He thought Connie was pretty like that. Beautiful, soft, dark eyes that could turn fierce in a moment, hair that looked so nice to touch, falling in thick, broad waves. Relaxed, her lips seemed full and soft, unlike the normal thin line of stress they were normally pressed into. She was beautiful and he’d felt that about countless people before.

Her hoodie fell open to the black tank top beneath as she stretched on the couch. Breasts swelled under her top, maybe just a bit heavy for her slender frame. The tank top hugged tight around her hips and waist and everywhere, showing off the sloping curves of her body. His chest suddenly ached, throat tightening as his mind stripped her bare, imagined long stretches of brown skin that his hands could skim across, firm but perfectly soft.

Heat burned up his cheeks. It was fine. It was normal. Steven loved the aesthetics of the human body. He’d seen beautiful paintings and photography of people strolling around in their underwear. There was nothing strange about appreciating the human form. There was nothing strange in thinking the very fit girl on the couch would look nice naked. There was nothing strange about imagining the sound of her gasp as he kissed her hip.

Well. That last one was… Well. It was new. That was something he was going to have to think about. That, and the odd mixture of relief and disappointment he felt as Connie tugged her hoodie tight around her again, covering up the pretty human form that was making him feel things he had never expected to feel at all.

He watched her hair in the sunshine and murmured, “If we’re pushing boundaries, do you think next time we’re alone I could braid your hair? It looks fun to work with.”

She smiled, nervous but genuine. “Sounds worth a try to me.”

Something in him was different. Something was changing. There was something new, something indescribable, in the way he wanted to watch her. In the ways he wanted to touch her. He could feel it changing, coming in bursts, like an old light flickering to life. He puzzled on it, focusing on it, but everything was elusive and odd. Everything about him was elusive. Steven was all too used to letting questions slide off him, to letting incuriosity seep into his mind and lull him into accepting how he thought things were.

So he let his questions slip away, and things were much more comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, we learn about Blue Diamond.


	12. Connie 4: Boss Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie remembers her time at Diamond Days Cafe.

Connie Maheswaran was going to change the world. Lots of people thought they were going to change the world, but Connie was determined to do it. She had grown up without any siblings or friends, with her parents encouraging her to work harder, do more, reach for the highest peaks (and largest paychecks) for her future career. And she had studied and worked hard and thought about what she wanted more than anything else. She had a long list of ideas on how to make the world a better place.

Then she started working at Diamond Days Cafe.

Connie had thought she was skilled and competent, but everything about the job had her constantly off balance. There were always things to clean that she had just cleaned, and she was in trouble for not doing so instantly. There was always something wrong with an order, and she was in trouble for falling for it when it was a scam, and in trouble for thinking it was a scam when it wasn’t. They were always putting her on the schedule wrong, no matter how she begged them to remember when she wasn’t free. They always wanted to drag her in when she wasn’t scheduled.

Though it wasn’t just her coworker’s fault. It was a high stress Diamond Days. Blue Diamond, one of the high-ranking executives, liked to drop in on the regular. That meant everything had to be perfect for her all the time. Her voice was so soft, so warm, but could go cold as ice in an instant if you spoke to her wrong. They said that her class was a mystery, that she was psychic and could use magic to make anyone cry.

Connie didn’t believe a word of it, having met the woman first hand. Blue Diamond didn’t need magic to make people cry, just good old-fashioned cruelty. Perhaps there was something magic in her gift for it, but Connie never saw any signs. Never felt any kind of force pushing on her. Blue was simply one of those kinds of people, the kind who just seemed too big to fit in the room. The kind that could make you feel like a speck of dirt ruining a perfectly clean floor.

“Connie dear,” she would croon, cradling the cup of coffee she had made. It was always off the store’s normal recipes, full of strange special requests that Connie could never seem to nail. She was convinced that Blue changed her request once the coffee was handed to her, but she couldn’t call her out. She had tried once, and Blue had snarled and sneered and threatened to fire her on the spot for asking a question. So now, Connie knew to bite her tongue. “I know you’ve had a busy morning, but I can see those milk drops back there. We’re supposed to clean as we go, aren’t we?”

“Yes, ma’am,” she said, steeling herself against the condescension.

She took a long sip, holding up the line behind her. Even the customers seemed to know not to complain, staring at the scene with an awkward discomfort as they shuffled to the other register. “And you’re such a bright girl, aren’t you? But if you can’t do these things properly, I can’t see you having much of a future anywhere. I wouldn’t feel comfortable promoting someone who can’t keep their workplace tidy, and I can’t see you lasting very long in a serious job.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

“And you must get over this aversion to touch. I heard you scolded a customer the other day simply for taking your hand.” She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s a compliment! Connie, you’re a pretty young girl. I had boys and girls vying for my attention too in my day, but I certainly didn’t yell at them, did I?”

“I’m sure you didn’t, ma’am,” she agreed dully.

“Come now, Connie.” She held out a hand palm down, blue nail polish glinting in the fluorescents against her milky pale skin. “Take my hand. I’d hate to discover you were too cowardly to properly do your job.”

Connie tried to pretend it was for a fight, like she was going to send the woman flying. Cold fingers brushed against her own, the skin too smooth against her calloused hands. Connie felt all of herself cringing, trembling from the invasiveness of it. Wrong, so wrong, so miserable and pathetic to have those icy digits on hers. People had sneered and made comments and been cruel before, but none of it had made her feel so powerless and helpless as the gentle touch of the woman in front of her, brought with a patronizing grin.

“Ah, there we are, pet. I’m so proud of you. You’ll have to practice quickly.” She took her hand back and leaned forward to whisper, “I hear it’s the lonely people who turn into gem monsters. It’d be a tragedy for something to happen to such a bright young mind.”

When Blue left, Connie had taken ten to go cry against the bricks on the back of the store. That was one thing no one ever complained about. The person who dealt with Blue got some time to cry. And Blue so often came around, so often doubted Connie’s future and made their hands touch and scolded her about telling customers to respect her, that two months in everything had gone flat and colorless, her soul all hollowed out. She couldn’t even dread Blue when she came in. This was working. This was life.

She had never hoped for a woman to perma-die before, but every day Blue walked into her prison left Connie wishing for her to be struck with some high level curse, some incurable disease, that would leave her truly, permanently dead.

But even that had faded to emptiness over time.

—————

“ _ The  _ Blue Diamond?” Peridot yelped. She rocked back on her stool so far Lapis barely managed to catch her arm before she went tumbling off. Not that the tiny woman seemed to notice how she had been about to plummet to the floor. She rocked forward, half climbing onto the counter. “You saw Blue Diamond that often? She talked to you all the time? And you’re not permadead?”

Lapis raised an eyebrow. “Is she some kind of witch?”

“Worse. An executive.” The blond cringed with horror.

“What’s so bad about her?” Lapis asked, crossing her arms. “You said she came in and she was mean to you? What kind of stuff did she say?”

Connie sighed, trying not to dwell too much on the seemingly endless encounters that swirled in her memory. “She just knows how to get under your skin, I guess. She’s so good at it, people think it has to be some kind of magic. She was mean, she made me hold her hand. The worst thing she ever did was probably breaking my sword. My  _ first _ sword. Blue reimbursed me for it, but… still. That sword meant a lot to me and she snapped it like a potato chip because she heard I had flashed it at a customer, which I  _ didn’t _ .”

“Holy shit,” Lapis murmured. “What a fucked up boss.”

“How do  _ you _ know about her?” Connie asked, narrowing her eyes at Peridot. Weeks of crushing mystery novels, trips through escape rooms, and far too many Where’s Wally books had been making her more keen and suspicious than ever. “I know Diamond Days is a big company, but I couldn’t rattle off their executives and I  _ worked  _ for them. I only know their founder and Blue.”

“Who’s their founder?” Lapis called as she ran the grinder.

Connie grinned. “This creepy super pale grandma vampire lady who probably drinks kitten blood out of a wine glass - the illustrious White Diamond.”

“Ooh, I’ve got just the mental picture.” They could see her giggle, but the quiet sound was lost under the roaring machine.

Connie turned back to the girl behind her laptop, gently pushing down the screen so they could be eye to eye. “Peridot, how do you know Blue?” she asked, and watched as th blond began to squirm for an answer. That was so odd. And, what was even odder, Connie could feel herself wobbling back and forth between interest and disinterest, the idea that she should care about the Diamonds flickering back to some other idea ( _ Steven’s class)  _ that kept seeming so dull and interesting that it drained away over and over.

Peridot laughed too loud, jerking her screen back up to cover her face. “White Blue and Yellow Diamond are famous! I’ve done some tech support for Diamond Days in the past, but got out fast. They’re such a toxic company who could stand it?” She gulped, then slowly peaked over the computer. “I, uh, heard she talks people into finding high level witches to curse them to real death. Or finding some magic artifact that gives you permadeath. Lots of people say that she makes people go missing. I’m glad that didn’t happen to you.”

“Whatever she does, she sounds like a nightmare.” She paused for a moment to have a quick chat with a customer, make a drink, and slide it across the counter before returning to their conversation. “How rude is it to make someone touch you? Or put up with creeps? She probably just made everything worse.”

“Probably,” Connie agreed. Then admitted, “I was pretty depressed back then, and a huge part of that was because of her. She’s half the reason I got so deep into politics. People like her don’t deserve to be in charge, or have so much power over everyone’s lives, just because they were born into a powerful family.”

“Hell yeah. Fuck the system.” Lapis held up a fist, not insistent, but the gentle push she asked for. “Brave today?”

She smiled, tapping their knuckles together in a fist bump that was becoming more and more routine. “Are you kidding? This is  _ easy _ . Give me a challenge.”

“A challenge, huh? How about I call Steven and see if you can give him a hug?” She gasped, holding her hands to her mouth, then whispered, “It might be too much to say but… if you’re feeling especially sexy, you could even hold hands.”

“Shut up.” Connie felt the blush creeping up her cheeks, the embarrassed smile.

“Oh, Connie, you two can hold hands  _ all night _ in this shop,” Lapis said breathily, her voice just quiet enough so that the customers wouldn’t be bothered by her porn voice. “Let our patrons see your unbridled passion. Maybe even laced fingers instead of cupped? I don’t know how into public stuff you are, but that’s just some panty-dropping imagery.”

“I hate you.” Connie groaned, covering her face. “I don’t know how Steven puts up with babysitting a superpowered child like you.”

“Oh, you’re going to pay for that,” Lapis snickered. “Just watch yourself.”

“Bring it.”

There were shitty people at Rose’s Fountain Cafe. That was inevitable. There were people who were too busy to be polite, demanding things as they looked at their phone. There were people who held up the line, staring at the menu above - sometimes with understandable exhaustion, sometimes with the vacant stare of someone incapable of thinking ahead. There were people who somehow had survived to adulthood, but could not understand the difference between a latte and cortado, no matter how many charts or rephrasings you used.

But people who called Connie stupid were denied service and dragged out of the store. People who told their children, “This is what happens when you don’t go to college” had water sprayed on them. Skeevy people with bad pick up lines were warned, then had a sword pointed at their throat. Oh, there were monsters, but Connie wasn’t unarmed here. If Blue Diamond strolled in, Connie wouldn’t feel hollow and empty. She would tell her where she could shove her special order. She would tell her she could keep her disgusting hands to herself.

She replaced baggy work clothes with clothes she liked - blouses and skirts and jeans and t-shirts. She contributed to the menu and learned about managing inventory, the quirks of the register, and even offered ideas of her own of how things could run a little more smoothly. Lapis and Steven listened. They changed. They respected her. And in turn, she respected them. And maybe there were arguments and maybe things got frustrating, but nothing ever made her despair.

For the first time in a long time, Connie was happy. Steven noticed the change.

He noticed all the changes, actually, even the clothes. At first the clothes change was just a lovely surprise, proof that Connie felt comfortable in his home away from home. He watched as she had the confidence to stand on stage together while he strummed guitar, the two of them giggling their way through Ludo’s Cyborgs Vs. Robots to give someone an attack advantage for their next fight, or their triumphant silly cheer as they belted out Battle Cry by the same band.

And, more and more, he imagined other songs she could sing, other things she could wear. The kind of thing that wouldn’t be okay on a stage, not unless all the blinds were closed and the cameras were off and he was the only one. More on more, he started thinking that dates to the movies and out of dinner would be so much nicer alone in his house, the one the Crystal Gems rarely lived in nowadays. Not just because he wanted personal time with her, but because there were things he wanted to try alone.

He thought about who to talk to, and eventually cut it down to a short list - his dad and Lapis. And surely Lapis would be the less excruciating of the two, right?

"Hey," Steven said nervously after one morning rush. "So, uh, I've been figuring some stuff out lately, and I think I might maybe be feeling sexual attraction, but I can’t really tell. I was wondering if you had advice about..."

Lapis looked over at him, saying nothing for a moment, then slowly started to smirk. "Are you about to ask me for advice on how to deal with being horny?"

It had been a coin toss over whether to ask Lapis or his dad. He had clearly made the wrong call. He looked longingly at the clock and realized he would be stuck here for several hours more. “Never mind.”

"No, Steven. This is perfect. I'm so thirsty I'm literally a Water Witch. I’ve got you.” She hugged him tight, resting her head on his bicep. He stared at the door, praying for a customer. They had so many customers. Couldn’t one come in now and interrupt this moment? Couldn’t literally anyone in Beach City walk in and save him from the horrible mistake he had made? Lapis’s hand rested solemnly on his chest. “My advice is to go for it. Dive in. Embrace being horny."

"I can’t dive in. It’s Connie. You know it’s Connie," he muttered.

Lapis grinned. "You just started getting the hots for a girl, and it's the one girl who doesn't want to immediately jump your bones."

He pouted, only mildly miffed by her teasing. "You know, you're being mean. This is weird and confusing."

She put her hands on his shoulders, standing in front of him with sincere sisterly love in her eyes. "I support you. I am very happy you're finding new things out about your identity, and no matter what word you settle on, I will always love you and I will always be here for you. If things are rocky or confusing in any of your relationships, I won’t sabotage them. I was a bitch before, and I’m doing my best to be better for you."

"Thank you." He beamed and lifted her off the floor in a hug.

When he set her down, she asked, "So, with attraction, I don’t really have a dick, but, like… does your dick like it when you see Connie?”

"Alright. This was a mistake," he deadpanned. “We’re done now. I’m gonna talk to my dad instead.”

“Yeah, that’s for the best.”


	13. Connie 5: Paralysis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie tries to push past freezing up.

Connie’s days were meticulously planned, and always went the same way, more or less.

She woke up at six a.m. and shook up a container of microwaved water and instant coffee. She drowned it in soy milk and tried to drink it fast enough that she didn’t taste it much, because she was only drinking it because she got to sleep at one in the morning. Instant coffee was and would always be disgusting. She would like to get to bed earlier and skip the coffee except for cafe treats, but that never worked out.

From there, she picked up an adult Spot the Difference book to level her perception, and tried to knock out a couple pages before her alarm went off once again at six-thirty. Then she got changed, popped in her ear buds, and headed down to the track. She listened to mystery and true crime audiobooks, usually at double speed, as she got in her daily 5K.

With that done, Connie headed back to the dorm to shower off and gathered her supplies for her seven-thirty class. If it wasn’t a work day, Connie studied, listened to mystery novels, and attended class until the evening. Then she headed to the gym for sword training. If it was a work day, she spent her afternoon in the shop, and if she was lucky, her evenings were spent with Steven on their now much more regular dates. If she was unlucky, she headed home for more studying.

On one hand, Connie knew some phrases about burning a candle at both ends, and how that tended to go poorly. On the other, she didn’t see anything she could reasonably drop. School had to come before anything else. Sword training was essential to everything she was. If she didn’t work, she wouldn’t get to see Steven, and she wouldn’t get to have personal money to spend on things she liked, which made the rest of the chores bearable. Adding perception grinding had been a hassle, but  _ Renegade Pearl _ had asked her to do it. So it wasn’t really negotiable, was it?

And, of course, a four-legged quartz-type blue gem monster screaming in your face wasn’t negotiable either. She had seen plenty of people try to make it a negotiation. It never went well. So she dodge a swipe of a massive paw, feeling the weight of it turn down the point of her sword because she was much, much too slow today. She cursed and stepped back beside Steven, his bubble flowing up around him as the monster screamed and began to beat at it.

“Sorry,” she panted. “Long day.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He smiled and hummed a little tune, and straight away she felt more awake and ready to fight than ever.

Connie nodded. “Right. If you swap your bubble for your shield and sing some aggro tunes, you can keep its attention. Then I can slide under the belly and get some good cuts in, maybe even get it poofed before it realizes what’s happening.”

“But you’ll be under its feet,” Steven said, shaking his head. “It’s dangerous. You can’t take a stomp from this thing.”

“I’m fast. Trust me.”

He was still on edge, she could see that, but she did a countdown to dropping the bubble. The second it was down they rolled apart. Steven’s shield shone bright and pink, and the song he sang was drowned out for a moment by the monster’s roar. But Steven stayed consistent, singing some kind of angry alternative rock that - even though it wasn’t directed at her - still made Connie’s temper start to rise as she sized up her foe. It charged Steven, mouth open, and he crammed the shield deep into its mouth.

She watched the feet and quickly slid beneath, sword up and slashing everywhere she could find. Gem monsters did have weak spots, but they were more magic than biology. She had no hope for her sword to hit some vital organ. She simply did damage, stabbing again and again, hoping that she would harm it enough for it to poof. She saw the monster’s legs coil and scrambled out of the way as it leapt. Steven’s shield (with Steven still attached to it) was locked in its mouth as it raced down the beach.

Connie cursed and charged after it, adrenaline pushing away tiredness so she was able to reach its side. She jumped up, digging her sword into the haunches of the gem monster, and clung to tufts of fur as it screamed and bucked. When it stopped, she climbed, getting up onto the back, another tuft of fur in hand, and slammed her sword as hard as she could manage into the back of its neck. It went rigid beneath her, shaking and making the most horrible of wails, before it turned to smoke and she plummeted to the beach.

Humiliatingly enough,  _ that _ was the thing that made a couple small bones in her foot snap, and she growled and hissed in pain as she curled in on herself. Steven rushed to her side in a moment, no questions or hesitation about touching on the battlefield. He tugged off her shoe and sock, to the foot that was already darkening and swelling from the broken bones. She whimpered at every jostled, but sighed in relief from the gentle kiss.

“Anywhere else?” he asked, her foot still gently tucked in his hand.

His hands were so warm. It’d be so wonderful to let them slide higher, to tell him everything ached and hope he’d take that as an invitation to push past her fear and kiss her. She wondered if a magical kiss would be less scary than a plain romantic one. But she wasn’t that brave. She shook her head. “Sore muscles, but those’ll fix up on their own.”

“Why wait?” Steven laughed and hauled her to her feet. “The gem’s been bubbled, it’s the end of the day. Let’s get you a healing cup of coffee and Steven spit. I’m kinda in the mood for a London Fog anyway.”

Tiredness was seeping into her bones again, and she didn’t really ever want to leave Steven’s side anyway. Off they went to the coffee shop, and Connie worked on closing it for the day while Steven made them a pair of drinks. When the tables were done, she sank down at one. She could put the chairs up and mop in a bit. Steven was coming with coffee anyway. She just needed a short rest, a quick break. If only she had her ear buds so she could listen to some mysteries while she rested.

Steven worked quickly, sitting down at the table with her and returning her smile as she sipped at the drink. He talked a little, but Connie wasn’t responding much. And soon she was looking kind of unfocused, staring out the window. Connie looked so exhausted slumped over the table, her half-finished cappuccino just beyond her reach, that he couldn't help but hurt for her. He reached out his hand to slip into her hair, gently rubbing, and was rewarded with a contented sigh. No protest. No uncomfortable stiffening of the shoulders. No pushing him away.

He smiled and hopped up to stand beside her. He let his other hand fall to her head too, massaging her scalp slowly up to her temples. Connie practically purred, little sighs and happy moans that made it hard to focus on the task at hand. He bit back a giggle, sliding his fingers down her neck, and finding the muscle there stiff and knotted. "Geez," he murmured. "That's a lot of stress."

Connie winced, starting to sit up straight away. "Sorry. I'll finish mopping."

"Doesn't this hurt?" he asked, ignoring her protest. His thumb moved firmly over one bump in the muscle. Connie was strong, sure, but touching her shouldn’t have felt like solid stone, like every muscle was permanently flexed. The knot refused to budge, so he did it a couple more times until he felt it release, and she gasped, gripping the table. He giggled, already moving to work on a few more bumps he had found, and asked, "Better?"

"Yes," she squeaked. "You don't have to do this."

"It's okay. I want to." He hesitated, remembering just who he was talking to. Him wanting to might not have been the problem for once. "But I can stop if you want."

He felt her pulse pound against his fingers, and it hurt a little. He hadn’t realized that it was that kind of fear that pounded through her every time they touched. He felt the muscles in her throat contract as she swallowed. "You don't have to stop, but I don't want to bother you."

He wanted to help. She was hurting, and not just in a little way that his usual healing would fix. Deep, slow injuries, the kind that built up over time, the kind that he’d have to kiss her every day to fix. He found another knot, rubbing that one away and doing his best to ignore her quiet whimpers of pain and relief. He struggled to find the right words, ones that wouldn’t sound too pitying. "How are you so tight? It's going to mess with your fighting, you know. You should make an appointment with your actual masseuse sometime soon."

"I don't have one," she mumbled.

He blinked, his hands stilling. "Connie, you're a Swordfighter. You  _ need _ some kind of regular healing."

She groaned, hands coming over her head as she bent forward over the table. "The first time I went to one I made all these weird noises and it was too embarrassing!"

"What does your physical therapist say about that?" he asked, already dreading the answer.

Connie laughed nervously. "Uh, I don’t have one of those either. It’s mostly just me and a foam roller."

He grabbed both her shoulders and pushed his thumbs into the muscle there - just as stiff as the ones in her neck. Connie cursed and gasped, hand slapping against the table as the slow sweeping movement took out several knots at once. He was a little too worried about it, afraid he’d snap at her, and he kept rubbing for a few more minutes longer before he felt like he could speak with the tenderness and empathy he wanted to convey, "It doesn't feel like the foam roller is really working."

"Sorry," she said, curling up on the chair. "I'll try to fix it. I won't let it mess up fighting gem monsters."

"Connie," he said softly, relaxing his grip. "It's not that. You're letting yourself be hurt to avoid making some embarrassing noises. I'm worried about you. I don't like it when you're hurt. Don't your parents get upset about this stuff?"

She swallowed, then whispered nearly too quietly to hear, "They never noticed. I didn’t let them notice."

His own throat tightened, eyes stinging, and he knelt beside her. They hadn’t been hugging much, but he hugged her then. He trusted her to let him know if she couldn’t stand it. She felt so small in his arms, half his own width, and even her trembling felt weak. The trembling made him feel all the worse - whether it was from nerves or coffee or just so much human contact at once he didn't know. He just held her all the tighter, trying not to cry because it wasn’t about him, but crying a little anyway.

She hugged him back, hiccuping a little. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m like this. I’m trying to be better. You’re so nice, and I really like you, and I just want to be normal. Nothing ever even  _ happened _ to me. I was just lonely. I was…” Her hands clutched his shirt as something suddenly clicked into place, smoke clearing from the world as she remembered. “Blue Diamond. I wasn’t this bad before Blue Diamond. I was lonely but I wasn’t… I wasn’t scared.”

Steven shook his head, confused. “Blue Diamond? Who is that?”

“At the other cafe I worked at, she came in. She said all these things. She touched me.” Connie could feel panic building just from the memory of her, those icy blue eyes locked on hers, draining away her will to live. She groaned and closed her eyes. “Oh, Steven, there’s something wrong with her. There’s something bad. I don’t know what she was doing but it wasn’t good. There’s something wrong with that place. There’s something wrong with the people who run it. She was doing something to me, I know it.”

“Connie, breathe.” He rested his forehead to hers. “She’s not here. You don’t have to worry about her anymore. The Diamonds are… they’re not important.”

She took a shuddering breath, and her interest was slipping away. She grabbed for it, but it vanished. She had a bad boss in a coffee shop, and she didn’t work there anymore. She was with Steven and Lapis and the Crystal Gems ( _ Pearl she should talk to Pearl _ ) now. She licked her lips and tried to smile, tried to focus on the fact that she was in his arms without shaking, that his forehead was against hers and she was happy about it. That was something more worth her time than Diamond business. 

“I’m still sorry I’m like this,” she said finally, once all thoughts of Blue had slipped away to merely just  _ kind of suspicious bad boss _ . “I don’t know what I’m ready for. I want to kiss and touch and even have sex some day, but I’m scared. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. And I don’t want you to have to wait for me.”

"That’s okay. I'm not exactly experienced either," Steven confessed, and smiled a little. He thought about confessing a little more, that she was looking to be his first everything, but nerves got to him and he settled for, “We can take it as slow as you need. I don’t even know what kind of stuff I want yet."

"Oh, gees. Sorry. I didn’t even ask how you felt.” She ducked her head shamefully.

"Don't be sorry. I want to try all kinds of stuff with you. And we can go very, very slow." His thumb brushed slowly over her cheek, tilting her eyes up to his. They were awfully close still, weren’t they? He could feel her chest and lean body pressed firmly against his own. Her eyes were dark, darker than usual, with pupils wide over flushing cheeks and parted lips. His heart skipped a beat, his stomach tensing and rolling with the sudden desire to kiss her senseless, to let his hands explore as slowly as he wanted. To strip her naked and-

Oh boy. That was new. That had been building for a while but… that was new.

"I'm demisexual," he realized aloud.

Connie blinked. "Huh?"

He flushed at his own outburst. "It, uh, means you feel limited or no sexual attraction unless you really know or love someone."

"Why would you..." She smiled and laughed, reaching up to ruffle his curls. "Oh, duh. So you're not in a big hurry to get to sex stuff anyway. You’re not attracted to me yet, if you’re even going to be attracted to me at all. So it's perfect!"

"Yup. That exactly," he agreed nervously. "That exact thing you said."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm switching these to every other Monday, just because I need to slow down a bit. But I promise these are coming out, and I promise I'm seeing this through to the end!


	14. Connie 6: Backstory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie makes a few realizations.

It was a lot nicer working in the shop nowadays, even if Lapis wasn’t perfect. Of course, now that Connie could snap back, it mostly didn’t matter. Honestly, she had hoped that Lapis would continue to mellow out the longer she spent with Peridot, but it felt like the Water Witch had reached a floor on how chill she could get. This meant that a lazy, empty afternoon in the coffee shop was ripe for shenanigans.

"I have macaroni art, Mother," Lapis said, holding two big boxes of pasta.

"It's not really art if you just bought macaroni," Connie said dryly.  _ Mother _ was a new name, though. She wondered what that was about.

"It's a performance piece." Lapis dragged over a chair, making a horrible squeaking noise as it moved across the hardwood. On the customer side of the cashier counter, she climbed up on it, ripping upon the first box as she stood tall.

Connie closed her eyes, trying her best not to overreact. The more she reacted, the longer this would go on. There was no point in moving, really. Lapis slowly tilted the first box of macaroni, letting the pasta cascade from the heavens. She couldn't look up, because noodles were raining down on her, falling over her hair and spilling onto the counter in an endless deluge of wheat. It stopped for a moment, and Connie began, "Thank y-" only for the sound of ripping paper, and another rain of pasta to come pouring down over her head.

Connie slowly rolled her head up to look at Lapis. "I'm not cleaning this."

"I know," Lapis said, staring down at her from her godlike position. "Still worth it."

_ Mother _ . She mused on that for a minute, then blinked. “Is this for the superpowered children comment?”

“Yes.”

She snorted, then burst into giggles, covering her face with her hands. “Lapis, that was  _ weeks _ ago! Why  _ now _ ?”

“Because you didn’t see it coming,” she said, stepping to the back to get a broom.

Connie rolled her eyes and hopped up onto the counter where Peridot was working. Peri was always good for making the hours slip by. The blond yelped, slamming her laptop shut, but a second too late. Connie’s eyes widened, and she forced herself to focus. The logo had caught her eye, all bright colors. The logo on Peridot’s computer was important. Was it, though? Was it really? Yes, it was. She could feel magic pressing in at the corner of her mind, whispering about the ease of giving up, giving in.

Wouldn’t it be so much nicer to go back to silliness and macaroni? She didn’t need the hassle of strange logos and weird companies. Diamonds were so dull. So unimportant. White, Blue, Yellow, and Pink, stacked one on top of the other. Three Diamonds ran the stores. White, Yellow, Blue. Why was pink in the logo? She knew someone pink. Come on,  _ come on _ . She groaned and growled, her face screwing up as she tried to force her brain to push it together.

Peridot whispered, “Connie, you can’t tell anyone.”

“Tell?” Connie found her purchase with Peridot. She was so interesting, such a good friend. A friend who was working for a company with the Diamond Days logo ( _ Such a dull logo, isn’t it? _ ). She cared about her friend. She cared about her job. She leaned forward, desperate to cling to the interest she could feel slipping away. “I won’t tell, but you’ve got to help me, Peridot. I can’t focus. I feel like I’m missing something important.”

“You  _ are _ ! And you can’t look into it.” Peridot swallowed as Lapis came from the back, her voice dropping lower. “Connie, you got out. Don’t make the same mistake twice. You can’t fight them.”

“Pearl asked me to look into this, it’s got to mean something. Maybe she thinks Steven and I-” She cut herself off with a gasp, the world slipping sideways, her brain tripping and screaming as it filled up with soothing pink.  _ Pink _ . Wouldn’t it be easier not to think about it? His songs, let’s think of one of his songs, soothing relaxing uninteresting songs. She groaned, clutching her temples. This was starting to hurt.

“Don’t listen to those clods!” she hissed. “They don’t know what they’re messing with! Yellow Diamond is a-”

Lapis was too close for Peridot to say anything else. She wrapped up the tiny girl in her arms, nuzzling at her neck with a grin. “Don’t whisper in the ear of another girl, Peri. You know how jealous I get.”

Connie’s head was spinning. Steven. Pink magic Steven. Weird Bard skills Steven. Wasn’t he dull? Wasn’t he boring? “If you’re jealous, what if I leave early?” she said. Was her voice slurred? Like being drunk. Wouldn’t it be fun to be- no. Steven. Diamond class. “I mean, dock my pay and everything. Don’t pay me for not being here.” Diamond Steven she ducked under the counter and Diamond Steven nearly fell on her face and Diamond Steven shoved herself back up. “I, uh, I have some business? Important stuff to talk about.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Lapis said, snagging her wrist before she made it to the door. “You look like you’re about to pass out. I’m not letting you go anywhere.”

“Nonono, Lapis.” Connie stumbled forward, her hands caressing Lapis’s cheeks. Lapis was pretty, wasn’t that nicer to think about? She could touch Lapis right now and forget all the silly business. Lapis’s pretty blue eyes  _ Blue Diamond had done something _ . Connie whined as her head flared with pain again and closed her eyes. “Lapis, can you call Pearl? I need to talk to Pearl. I need her help.”

“Pearl’s not a healer,” Lapis said, shaking her head. “Connie, I think you’ve been cursed. We’ve got to call Steven.”

She groaned, sinking to the floor. Steven. Diamond Steven. Who cares about Diamonds? Who cares about pink? The only pink she needed was sinking slowly into soothing songs. She  _ should _ call Steven. His presence would make all of this melt away. She was so tired. Wouldn’t it be so nice to have it all slip away? She felt her eyes start to burn with tears. “I don’t need Steven. I need Pearl. Lapis, you have to. Please. The Diamonds…”

“You should call Steven,” Peridot said softly. Connie felt their eyes lock, betrayal seeping into every part of her. A cry burned up her throat, anger searing through her veins, but the other woman continued on, “She’s got a curse and he can fix it. If she keeps going like this she’s going to get hurt.”

“Right,” Lapis agreed, grabbing her phone. “You’re going to be okay, Connie. Just hold on.”

She screamed on the floor, fists clenched tight as magic beat at her mind. “He’s a  _ Diamond _ !”

“I know,” Lapis soothed, her hand rubbing at Connie’s back. “Don’t worry. It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about a thing.”

Connie rested her head against the cool hardwood, white hot anger flickering and stuttering like a candle in the wind. Lapis was stupid. Peridot betrayed her. Pearl needed her. Steven was a Diamond. Please, please, please. Don’t go helpless again. Don’t be weak again. Have courage. Have strength. Just fight for a little bit longer. She had to find a way.

But Lapis’s hand on her back was soothing, and her worries slipped away as familiar magic purred,  _ Look at you, brave girl. Being touched. Perhaps you’ll be more than a barista after all. _

* * *

She was fine later, when Pearl appeared, and she felt horrible about summoning the Crystal Gem away from what must have been a very important mission. Steven had spent the afternoon cuddling her in his lap, humming soft, sweet songs whenever she got panicky. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t find a trace of any curse on her. The best guess was that it was something weak, that it must have burned itself out after she curled up on the floor.

“I’m sorry for wasting your time,” Connie said, still sitting in Steven’s lap. So funny how easy it suddenly was to be with him. There was something about his presence that was so comforting. He had been surprised at how eager she was to curl up with him, to nuzzle into the crook of his neck and wrap her arms around him like a giant teddy bear - not that he was complaining.

“Do you still trust me, Connie?” Pearl asked softly.

She beamed. “Yes, ma’am! I’ve been doing everything you asked me too. I’ve cleared so much time to grind my perception stat. I think I might be going too hard. I was pretty exhausted today.”

She smiled weakly, tripping over her words a little. “With how you screamed about the...You’re aware Steven is a Diamond, so that must mean you’ve been working  _ very  _ hard. And… and if you’re not ready for more, that’s fine, but I would like it very much if you trusted me again. I...Connie, I need you to do something very difficult. I’m going to say some things that are going to make you and Steven very uncomfortable, and if you’re not ready we can stop. But it’s  _ very _ important. Do you understand?”

“I… can’t say I do, ma’am,” Connie admitted, looking nervously up at Steven. He was so big and tall. She didn’t know how she ever felt anything other than perfectly safe in his arms. “Do you?”

He shrugged. “Pearl says weird stuff sometimes. I try not to think about it too hard.”

The pale woman scowled. “Yes, well, this is precisely the problem. One can only hope empathy can prompt a breakthrough where years of lectures could not. But you two need to think about this very hard. I need you to try to do some hard things. Because what you’re feeling right now isn’t real. Connie has been in your lap all day, Steven. Is that like her?”

His arms wrapped around her protectively, and Connie felt his heart pounding against her back. Why would that be scary? They were together now and she was safe. She reached up to lovingly caress the line of his jaw. “She’s been getting better.”

“Quite the step to make in a single afternoon, isn’t it?” Pearl said coolly. “If I recall correctly, your last call was about the two of you practicing hugs. How long could you manage? About a minute or two? And here’s hours of cuddling, after a very traumatic experience, and Connie is delighted to be an adorable, worry free girlfriend, blissfully into your touch.”

Connie’s heart sank. This  _ wasn’t _ like her. But Steven’s voice was fierce behind her, whisking away her worries. “So she’s getting better and that’s supposed to be a bad thing?”

“Are you using magic right now, Steven?”

His arms clutched tighter, almost painful. “She asked me to sing! She asked me to help!”

“You’re not singing now,” she continued patiently. “Are you using magic, Steven?”

He was shaking now. “It happens sometimes.”

“I know it does,” Pearl said, her voice gentle and maternal. “And what do we do when that happens?”

His voice croaked. “We turn it down. But, Pearl, if I turn it down it’ll be really bad. I don’t know what’s gonna happen but it’s gonna be bad, I know it’s gonna be bad. I don’t think I can do it. I think she’s gonna get hurt and I can’t-”

She leaned forward, her hand resting softly on his forearm. “I know. There’s a very sweet voice in your head telling you everything’s perfect right now, Steven. You’re making everything perfect, and that hasn’t been your fault. But right now, you have a person you love very much in your arms, and you’re using magic like you never have before. Just because she’s happy doesn’t mean she’s healthy.”

“She was crying,” he whispered. She looked up at him, at the tears in his eyes, and reached up to softly brush one off his cheek. It was so easy to do. She hated seeing him cry, and tried to snuggle him better. “I don’t want her to start crying again. She was hurting so bad.”

“I know. And you helped her the way you thought you were supposed to.” Pearl’s hands wrapped gently around one of his. “But you’re better than Rose, Steven. You’re not a liar. You don’t want to live in a dream. And even if Connie does, you need to give her that choice.  _ You’re _ the one running the curse right now. You’ve never done it like this before. And that’s why I’m hoping very, very much that if you can feel what you’re doing, and you can finally turn it off.”

He stared down at her for a minute, then back to Pearl. “I’m not making her like me, right? It’s just… just today?”

“There’s only one way to know for sure,” Pearl murmured.

Steven took a deep breath.

Inside Connie’s brain, a light flicked on. And with the monsters illuminated, she started screaming.


	15. Connie 6: Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie remembers.

“Connie, I’m _ worried, _” Priyanka pleaded. “Can’t you see how working there is hurting you?”

She muttered, shrugging. “I’m fine. Just stop worrying.”

“You’re _ not _!” she cried. “You’re not my vibrant little girl anymore. You never write. You never draw. You don’t smile when you come home. I can’t remember the last time you joked around with your father. You’ve been there for months and you’re not any closer to finding that girl.”

“Someone has to do it,” Connie murmured. “She’s not going to find herself.”

“But why does that person have to be you? Honey, please, you’re an amazing fighter.” Her mother’s hands rested on her shoulders, and Connie jerked away from the touch, was cut by the pain on Priyanka’s face. She didn’t usually jerk away from her _ mother’s _ touch. It was so rare she had always welcomed it. Her mother pressed on, “You’re going to college in the fall. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t throw that away by getting in over your head.”

“I’m the strongest one in town. Who else can do it?” she muttered.

“—— aren’t meant to fight alone.”

Connie’s face screwed up, looking up at her mother. “What?”

“Sword-ights aren’t meant to fight alone. Isn’t that what you want to be?”

Connie groaned, her head starting to pound again - burning, searing pain from the inside out. “Sword… something’s not right. Mom, it hurts.”

Her mother’s fingernails dug into her wrist, long and black and piercing deep into her skin. “Stop making me hurt you.” She screamed, tugging and gasping. That wasn’t her mom. Her mother would never have long nails. Surgeons didn’t have nails like that when at any moment they could be called into work. Her mother had never painted her nails. Her mother couldn’t sneer like that, couldn’t snarl. Her mother would never keep digging and digging until blood dripped down onto the floor.

* * *

“Oh, Connie dear,” Blue murmured. “Something seems to be wrong.”

She couldn’t stand. She was all alone in the store because… because Blue had asked her to stay late to clean. She couldn’t say no to Blue. No one could say no to Blue. Not even when Blue had dropped her empty cup onto the floor. She had asked Connie to pick it up and… and Connie had sunk all the way down. She was going to grab it and get back up, but her fingers curled around the cup and the world pressed down on her like a fallen log over her back. The strength in her limbs was there, ready as ever, but she couldn’t find the will to use it.

What did it matter? This was her place. Dirt on the floor. Her mother was right. She couldn’t do this alone. But Connie had never made any friends, so that made sense. She would only be worth something if she wasn’t by herself, but she was always going to be by herself. Logic dictated that she was worthless. That was right. It was smart to feel worthless. Logical. That was soothing. It was so easy to empty out, hollow out, feel nothing but acceptance that her place was beneath powerful people like Blue.

The Diamond knelt beside her, tsking quietly. “Dear, dear, dear. Look at the state you’re in. You won’t be going home on your own like this, will you? No, I don’t think so at all.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. Every word was a Herculean task to force out, but at least she could agree with Blue, prove herself worthy in some small way by being a yes-man. “I fought with my mom today. I don’t even think she wants me to come home. Even she knows I’m useless without friends.”

Blue’s hand scooped softly under her chin, forcing her to look up in an angle that stung. “And you don’t have any friends at all, do you? Can’t ever earn them in this little shop. All those silly dreams of being a hero, but it’s so hard to grind everything out on your own, isn’t it? Much easier to just fade into the background grinding beans.”

She could feel the tears on her face. Normally she hated crying in front of people, but what did it matter now? Blue saw her for what a pathetic disaster she really was. There was no need to wipe away tears or put on a strong face. No need to fight as Blue scooped her limp body up and put her into the backseat of a very fancy car. The leather interior was so nice against her skin. Blue snapped at her to stop crying on it, because the tears would ruin it, and Connie curled up a little further in despair. Even her sadness was a bother.

Connie had no idea how long they drove for, or in what direction. Every second felt like a century, misery keeping her frozen and unmoving no matter how much her rational mind told her she needed to leave. Blue’s hand curled around her wrist, and even still Connie was too empty to hate the touch, and she was dragged into a building of some kind. A house? A mansion? A factory? It was dark out, and she barely even glimpsed it as she stumbled along behind her boss. She could barely even keep upright as concrete turned to immaculate tile.

They came to a sudden halt, a voice strong as steel snapping from up ahead. “Blue, what on _ Earth _ are you doing?”

“What we’ve always done. I’ve gone through the work of priming this one already, since you’ve been too busy expanding the stores to bother finding something to power them,” Blue snapped. Instantly, the weight of the world slammed down onto Connie’s back once again, and she crumpled to the floor. Her wrist was still firmly locked in Blue’s, but the woman scoffed with disgust and flung it aside, letting it land on the floor. “See? You could practically roll her into the chamber.”

High yellow heels clicked downstairs, clicked across tiles into Connie’s face. A hand slipped into her front pocket, long white fingers with bright yellow nails, and tugged out her hero card. The heel in front of her face tapped, so close her combat instincts told her to fear, to roll away from the possibility of getting kicked in the face. The rest of her thought _ Why bother? I deserve it, _and she managed to lean her head back just a touch, avoiding the tall boots before they broke her nose by mistake.

“And you didn’t bother to examine her in detail, did you?” Yellow said, and Connie could hear the sneer in her voice. “You found an exploitable flaw and just went ahead without even thinking. Now that Pink’s gone you just have to take her place, don’t you?”

“I found a subject with plenty of energy and I-”

“Didn’t check the card.” Yellow continued dryly. “She’s high energy for a reason. If you bothered to take a few minutes you would know the high-risk high reward potential of our little… Connie. How pedestrian. We should move quickly. Keep her knocked out as well as you can. If you dive into substats, you’ll note how high her courage is. It’s under charisma, in case you’re unfamiliar.”

“Of course I’m familiar!” she snapped. “What’s that matter?”

“Don’t you know what happens to a Swordfighter with high courage?” Connie’s hero card was shoved back in her pocket. “They become ——”

Connie stared up at the towering women above her. “They become…what?”

Their faces turned to snarls, and everything was bone White hands holding her to the floor, clamped over her mouth. Black eyes bore into hers as a sweet, melodious voice crooned, “Don’t make us hurt you, our sweet girl.” Her hands clawed frantically at the ones gagging her, muffling her screams. The points of the nails were against her cheeks, digging in again, and this time she could feel them growing, creeping up to her brain, carving out pieces that were there and she _ couldn’t forget please _

* * *

Connie was too empty to resist as Yellow and Blue dragged her down into some room. She rolled across the concrete as they flung her in, and she barely had the presence of mind to hold her head up so it wouldn’t crack against the floor. She wasn’t sure why she bothered saving her head. There was nothing in it worth protecting. All around her were speakers, dug into the wall. There were stains on the floor, odd stains. Acid and burning and all kinds of damage. Questions formed on her tongue, but she couldn’t speak.

“I can’t believe you didn’t think ahead. You’ve _ ruined _ her.”

“I did the mission I was assigned. I found someone with high energy. Just because _ you _want to recruit doesn’t mean I’ve made a mistake.” There was a sudden little edge, a smugness to her voice, “Besides, Yellow, do you really think you could ever get her on your side? You think someone so lawful would ever bother to work for you? Or do you actually believe that your intentions are good enough to land a ——?”

“She’s a Swordfighter. I would have had time,” Yellow returned. “This is the second time you’ve ruined someone I could have used. If you would talk to me for a moment-”

“Are you still on about Nephrite?”

The name cut clear through everything. A missing poster of a girl with an eye patch, her hair dyed a brilliant green as she posed with a group of friends. They were all studying to be Pilots, but Nephrite had gone missing. Her parents had said something about Diamond Days Cafe taking a toll on her, and that had been a lead, had been something. And Connie did so many missions because that’s what **Swordfighters ** did and all she had ever wanted was to be a **Swordfighter **ever since she read Pearl’s words about the nobility of the sword as a weapon.

**Swordfighters ** helped people, no matter how scared they were. No matter how alone they were. She trembled as her hands pushed against the cement, shoving herself to her feet. She was sad. She was miserable. She was _ empty _. That didn’t matter. She had a mission. The two Diamonds gawked at her as she stood on wobbly feet, summoning up all the fierceness she had left in her. It sounded unhinged, a feral snarl, but that was better than weakness. Better than hopelessness. “What did you do to Nephrite?”

They exchanged looks for a moment, then Yellow growled. “Did you get distracted? Hit her again.”

“I _ am _!” Blue cried. She looked back at Connie. “Dear, Nephrite isn’t your friend, remember? You don’t have any, you poor lonely thing.”

“**Swordfighters ** don’t need to be friends with the people they protect,” Connie said, fists clenched at her sides. Her voice was rising, louder and louder, until she was shouting her speech. “ **Swordfighters ** don’t expect anything for the good things they do! They do them because they’re right! They do them because helping people, making a difference in the world is the most important thing you can do! You don’t need to be strong to be a **Swordfighter**! You don’t need to be fast! You don’t need to be charming or smart and no one ever has to like you! All you need to do is have the courage to do what’s right!”

Yellow pushed Blue up the stairs with a hiss. “Go on! Close the door. Start the song. We don’t have much time.”

“No!” Connie screamed as the door slammed shut, leaving her alone in a room covered in speakers. There was only one thing that could be for, but she didn’t have her sword. She raced to it, her fists beating hard as she could. She didn’t have to be strong, but she _ was _ . The sound of her fury echoed around the room, but the door didn’t even dent from her thrashing. She had come too far to give up now. They _ did _ have Nephrite! She _ was _ making progress! As long as she got out she could come back, maybe with backup.

A low, terrible hum started from speakers, yellow magic crackling, flicking across the room. The sound of it buzzed deep into her bones, rattling her skull and her teeth. Not good. Not good at all. If only she had her sword! She raced to the nearest speaker, punching it with bare knuckles, but it was just as reinforced and sturdy as the door. Her heart was a Gatling gun staccato in her chest. No breath was enough. Her body was starting to burn, to ache from it all. This really was it. This was how she disappeared.

Fear was a cancer, always in her mind, but courage was not the absence of fear. It was the persistence in spite of it.

Her fist reared back, and when it came back down, the speaker before her was wrecked into nothing, because her sword was in her hand. Her body still ached and her bones buzzed, but she was light and fury and joy as she screamed and cheered, taking out every speaker in the room. Everything she hoped for, everything she worked for, finally realized in a single moment. She was finally there. She had done it. She was a ————. She was a **Swordfighter. **She was… she was…

* * *

White Diamond has so many jewels on her cloak she shines. She looks dully at her daughters. “Honestly? This is what you spent months on, Blue?”

“I didn’t-”

“And you didn’t think to check in on her, Yellow? Do you really think I’m impressed with the number of stores you’ve opened this year when _ this _ is what I have to look forward to?”

“Mother, we-”

“Mother, Mother, _ Mother _ . You’re grown women. Honestly.” White’s long fingers close around Connie’s throat. She can’t move, can’t scream, not with Yellow and Blue pumping magic into her from behind. Body paralyzed. Soul empty. She’s only a **Swordfighter, **after all. She isn’t meant to fight alone. Dark eyes glare into her own. “No friends, you said, Blue? But not an orphan.”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Easy enough mistake to fix, Starlight,” she said sweetly, smiling down at Connie. “Don’t fight too hard, my dear. I know it’s in your nature, but the more you struggle, the more this will hurt.”

White light scorches out parts of her mind.

* * *

Pink light heals the burn.

* * *

In the coffee shop, Connie stood by the couch, too worked up and distressed to sit, and tried to stop crying. Steven wouldn’t touch her, too worried he made her love him to try, and she couldn’t catch her breath to tell him it was okay, that hadn’t at all. When she finally did manage to speak, she couldn’t ask for help. Her tears weren’t sad - they were mournful, angry. Her mind pieced together the gaps, finally healed from whatever White did, and what she had lost for months still left a hole behind. She would have to stitch that up herself.

“Connie?” Steven whispered. “Did I…?”

“Not you,” she gasped. Her voice is fury, raw with rage. “_ Them. _ They took _ everything. _”

“You met the Diamonds?” Pearl asked quietly.

She screamed, angry and hurt and lashing out. Her fist slammed into the wall and went straight through it, but she didn’t have time to feel guilty about it. She stumbled back, hand to her pounding head. “Everything. They took_ everything _ I worked for. My parents, oh God.” A sob escaped her at that, hands clamped over her mouth. “I won’t answer the phone when they call. I only ever text them. I thought they didn’t love me. I thought they didn’t _ care _. They kept trying to tell me how much they missed me and… and I… Oh, God.”

“Connie…” Steven said again, he was reaching out for her, but it was too much.

She stumbled back, and at the hurt on his face reached out to take his hand, all she could stand at the moment. “It’s not you. Oh, Steven, it’s not you. _ Never _ you. Don’t blame yourself, Steven. I just don’t want to hurt you. I… My whole life, Steven. They rewrote my _ whole life _ like it was nothing. It’s like she boiled my brain and took out all the parts I needed. She could’ve taken anything else. She took _ me, _ Steven. You don’t understand. Or… God, maybe you do. With the Diamond class. You’re a Diamond.”

“I’m a Diamond,” Steven agreed, confused but accepting it. He looked to Pearl. “What is that, royalty? Corporate royalty?”

“A bit.”

Her voice was hoarse as she stumbled away from him, seemingly soothed enough that she didn’t have to tend to him now. She didn’t have it in her to tend to him now. “Everything I trained for. Everything I wanted. I didn’t… I didn’t _ just _do competitions. I did missions. I saved lives.” Her voice was full of wonder at her own memories. “Of course I saved lives.”

“That makes sense,” Steven said. “You fight like you’ve been in combat a lot.”

“I have,” she whispered. “Ever since I was a kid. When I was eight, I picked up a branch and beat back a dog that was attacking a kid. When I was ten I started looking at notice boards, asking around town for jobs. In high school I joined combat teams, taking down bandits and saving kidnapped kids. I mean, I-I love politics, don’t get me wrong, but my dream wasn’t ever to just be a politician. I had bigger plans. I’ve wasted a year on a dream someone made up and shoved into my head.”

Steven’s eyes were full of tears as he looked at Pearl. “Why would someone do that? No one could deserve that.”

“We don’t know why the Diamonds do what they do,” Pearl began. “Your mother… Garnet and Amethyst don’t even understand who she was - who you are, Steven. You didn’t care until just now. To take away a Swordfighter’s past deeds is just-”

Connie whirled on her with a snarl. “_ No! _That’s not it! Don’t call me that!”

Pearl held up her hands, trying to placate her. “I’m sorry, Connie. What should I-?”

“My whole life!” she shouted. “I know the word and it’s _ missing _ . I wanted it more than anything. I gave up everything! When I was six I climbed a tree and got my feet all scratched up and bloody just to save a kitten because that’s what a… a _ something _would do! I made up my code of ethics. I refined it. I put everything into it. I got into politics and philosophy so I could make my code! So I could live by it! So I had rules and laws to make sure I went down the right path, that I did the right thing!”

She paced, staring down at her clenched fists. “I spent ages poring over books on it. I learned meditation rituals, cleansing rituals. I practiced curing curses so much people tried to pay me for it in middle school!_ Teachers _ tried to pay me for it! I can turn _ sewage _ into drinking water! I can fix little wounds with a touch. If I stand in front of someone I can _ take a hit! _ I did all of it... all of it hoping I would get there, knowing I would get there, and I got there in that room! I had it for an instant and they took it away!”

“Oh, Connie,” Pearl gasped, her hands coming over her mouth. “They took your class.”

Even Steven seemed to get it, split somewhere between awe and horror. “You’re not a Swordfighter at all. I mean, you are, but you went prestige. They knocked you down! They... D-do you need more healing? I could make a coffee! I could sing something!”

“No. I need to fix this myself.” 

She took a slow deep breath, settling her mind, reaching for the heart of herself. Fear. Weakness. Timidity. Balling those things up tight and doing what must be done, caring for others, protecting those who could not protect themselves. Law and light and order. Fighting with a sword was well and good, but only if it meant something, only if there was someone to fight for. She opened her eyes and held her hand out to the side, palm open wide for the thing she knew would come. She called with her heart.

Her sword vanished from behind the counter, summoned to her hands. Yellow-white light burst through the coffee shop, racing up her hands and pouring through her mind like fresh water, soothing away the ache and the sting of past wounds. This was why her sword brought her bravery. This is why the world only ever felt right when it was in her hands. She had forgotten how to call it, having only ever called it once, and it had been in front of two of the cruelest women she had ever met. It had been robbed from her by the most awful woman of all.

“You mentioned being royalty, Steven.” She looked to him and Pearl - people worth protecting, people worth showing off to - and brought her sword in front of her. Her smile shined in the holy light. “Do you think you could use a Knight?”


	16. Connie 8: Code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie figures out how to deal with Peridot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got fanart! Please check out the wonderful artists who made it, and you can see the art has been uploaded to the chapters.
> 
> For Chapter Four, for the Indirect Kiss scene, fanart provided by the lovely [FollowerofMercy!](https://followerofmercyart.tumblr.com/post/611818385521754112/fanart-of-my-friend-universallywritings)
> 
> And for Chapter five, for the singing scene, fanart from the wonderful ponpasta! [Tumblr](https://ponpasta.tumblr.com/) and [Instagram!](https://www.instagram.com/ponpasta/?hl=en)

Connie, after years of studying law and spirituality and ethics, was not the kind of Knight who believed in absolutes. That was a much simpler way of being a Knight. You had a code and you stuck to it, no matter what. In such a code, there were easy decisions - breaking the law was bad, coldblooded murder demanded blood, don’t pour the milk in before the tea, but Connie understood that the world was a complicated thing and you had to navigate it with subtlety. Usually.

“Let’s talk this through!” Steven said, his voice cracking as he held her wrists still. He was a little too pacifistic, and his touch was still a bit uncomfortable and heart-pounding, but he was clearly trying his best to work through his own code. Connie respected that. “This isn’t what you want to do, right? You can make amends with Peridot! You don’t really want to-”

“She needs to die, Steven,” she soothed him, because respecting his opinions did not mean surrendering her own - especially on such a serious subject as murder. “She has to. I’m not going to be mean about it. I’m not a monster. I’m going to use my blade to detect lies, get the information out of her, then just stab her through the heart real fast as an appropriate punishment for betraying me when I needed her most. Once that’s done, we can go back to being friends!”

“What if you skipped the killing part?” Steven suggested cheerfully. “Went right to the friend bit!”

Connie arched an eyebrow, trying not to smile at Steven’s innocent naivete. “Then where would be the incentive for her to learn that betrayal is wrong?”

“Open communication?” he tried. That seemed unlikely. She moved for the coffee shop door and he looked back to Pearl with a squeak in his voice. “Don’t just sit there! We can’t let her kill Peridot!”

Pearl hummed, thinking that over. “I don’t agree with the murder, but we certainly need to interrogate Peridot for whatever connections she might have to the Diamonds, especially because it sounds like Peridot is immune from the curse. The information she could have on where they take humans, what they do, what it’s for… it’s invaluable. I’m sorry, Steven, but some harshness is required.”

“Oh! Hold on.” Connie laughed as she turned to Pearl. She hadn’t realized just how little she had told her hero, but that was easy enough to fix, and then she could be right back to her mission. “Let me help. They take humans to a mansion which is within a nine-hour drive of the old Diamond Days shop I used to work in. I’ll get you the address. It wasn’t sunrise by the time I got there, and I was taken at the earliest around eight. Sunrise should have been around five that time of year, so that gives you a radius to research, assuming I can’t get more specifics from Peridot.”

Steven and Pearl exchanged a shocked look, and Connie continued on, musing idly, “They harvest energy from humans. I think they said it was to run their shops? There was some kind of curse song they were playing in a basement. Judging from the stains in the concrete and your investment in curing the gem monsters, I think the two are connected. The process might leave a gem monster behind.”

“Oh. Oh my. That’s quite a lot of information.” Pearl’s voice was a little uncertain, and Connie hoped it was simply from all the excitement.

“It is, but Peridot should have a lot more, and that will speed up our search.” She smiled and gently eased her wrists from Steven’s grip. There was a job to do, and no time to delay. “So, I’ll hunt her down, get the specifics, and kill her. Thank you for all the advice, ma’am. It’s been such an honor working with you.”

“An honor… Connie!” Steven snagged her wrist again and whirled her around. She stared in shock at his hand, the oddly fluttery feeling twisting in her belly, but he dropped it quickly. She barely got the chance to think about the strangeness at all before he said, “Why are you planning on doing this alone? This isn’t the end. It’s the beginning.”

She shook her head, determined and holding fast against his sweetness. She had a code. “I’m going to finish it, Steven! I’m going to protect you and Lapis and… and everyone! I’m going to save Nephrite. Now that I know what I’m getting into, I’m sure I can handle it. I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

Steven laughed. “But you  _ are  _ making the same mistake. You’re trying to do all of it on your own! That’s not the right way to do things.” He held out his hand gently, no grabbing, little pressure. “You have a family. You have friends. I know that you don’t have to be loved to be a knight, but you are.”

“I was going to contact my family before going back in,” Connie said, though an odd guilty feeling was curling in her gut. He looked at his offered hand, heart speeding in her chest at the thought of taking it, at having a friend by her side. “And I guess backup for the fight would be nice. I…”

Pearl stood behind Steven, her hand squeezing his shoulder as it came to rest there. “I know what it’s like to want to get everything done right away. I know that sometimes it feels like pushing hard is the only way to get anything done. But diving in alone isn’t going to change anything, Connie, and hurting Peridot isn’t either.”

“She betrayed me,” Connie murmured. The memory of it still stung, burned at her deeper than her books on ethics and morality had described. The desire for vengeance really might have been stronger than her rational head. She had thought of her emotions as rationalized, compartmentalized, but Pearl’s patient voice took away her certainty. “When I asked for Pearl she got Steven. She works for the Diamonds. She knew about me getting out. She must know about you, Steven, and she called for you. She wanted to put me back under.”

“Sometimes friends make very stupid mistakes,” Steven said patiently, his hand unwavering, despite her weakness. Despite her obvious lust for pain that wouldn’t solve a thing. Still, seeing her as she was, his hand stayed outstretched. “Sometimes they think hurting is helping. Sometimes they try to protect people and do a bad job. That’s not betrayal, that’s messing up. She’s your friend.”

“I don’t know that much about friendship,” Connie confessed.

“Well, this is what friends do. They mess up and you forgive them,” Steven insisted. “And, together, we can handle anything. Connie, I’d love to fight alongside a knight. I’d love to get to the bottom of this Diamond stuff. But I’d really, really like to do it without losing anyone. What do you say?”

Peridot had let her drown in magic, but people did terrible things when they were scared. Not everyone could be as wonderful as Steven, as peaceful or kind. He was her friend. Her boyfriend, even when she was struggling without even knowing she was struggling. Being a knight was new. Having friends was newer. She might as well try to make it all work together.

“I say okay,” Connie said. She smiled nervously and reached out, his hand warm in hers. Warm white light slowly grew, so both their eyes went wide in the glow. It quickly swept up their arms, over their bodies, until everything was bright and the air was full of laughter, friendship warping and changing and given physical form inside the swept up cafe.

Pearl stood back with a little smile, clapping her hands once with amusement. “Well, don’t you two make something just adorable?”

* * *

Peridot was fairly certain hiding out at her girlfriend’s house was cowardly. She had very cleverly allowed her terror to show, claiming it was all worry over Connie’s sudden curse, and Lapis had taken her home. She had even gotten comfort sex out of it, which was impressive because she and Lazuli were normally less about love and more about unbridled animalistic passion.

All in all, she had probably done a pretty great job avoiding the whole conflict. There was the slight possibility that Connie would somehow escape Steven’s aura, but she had so quickly slipped under it Peridot was certain she wouldn’t have to worry for a while. She’d have to come up with a lie soon because Connie was bound to slip out from the non-suspicion curse again, but perhaps she could have a new job by that point.

She spooned cereal into her mouth as they watched Camp Pining Hearts, and she snuggled up close with her girlfriend. “I’ve been thinking about switching careers. You think we could pull off the long-distance thing?”

“No,” Lapis said flatly. “If you leave Beach City this is fucked.”

She grinned. “You’re hilarious.”

“I’m definitely not.”

Peridot was eager to investigate that line further when a knock came at the door and sent a chill down her spine. She immediately used her brilliance to think of a distraction. “That’s probably nothing major. Hey, Lapis, do you want to have sex again? I think we could really nail it this time if-”

“Stop being weird.” Lapis playfully shoved her out of her lap, rolling out of bed. Peridot scrambled madly behind her, spilling milk onto the bed and not even caring about how furious Lapis would be later.

“Lapis, wait, seriously! I don’t think we should answer it. Remember how Connie got cursed? What if this is the person who did it coming to finish the job? It could be the police! I’ve done some criminal things. A lot of torrents!” She clung to Lapis’s leg with a shriek, but Lapis was able to keep moving forward. What incredible legs. “Lazuli, if you open that door I’m breaking up with you! Just have sex with me!”

Lapis paid none of that any heed. The door swung open, and for a second Peridot felt pure relief. At the door stood a very, very tall person - she’d guess nearly eight feet. Their presentation was seemed fairly androgynous, if leaning slightly femme, so her mind defaulted to they/them as she took in the mane of wild, poofy hair, the stubble across their chin, the curved but heavily muscled body. And then her eyes landed on the sword strapped across their back and she choked.

“They have Connie’s sword!” she shrieked. “It’s the witch! Lapis close-”

“Steven?”Lapis said delightedly. “Connie? Is that you?”

“Stevonnie,” they said with a grin. “We couldn’t think up a cooler name like Garnet, but we think it fits okay. Do you mind if we come in? I need to have a talk with Peridot about what happened today.”

Lapis snorted, offering Peridot no salvation as she stepped aside and swept her hand across her small apartment. “Have at it, guys. Just don’t sit down. I’m pretty sure you’ll break my shitty chairs.”

Peridot sprang for the open doorway, but Stevonnie easily snagged the back of her shirt. She looked up at them, squeaking as she saw their face. There was a lot of intensity in that look - whether it was anger or focus she couldn’t quite tell. They raised an eyebrow and said coolly, “Uh, no. I said we needed to have a talk. I think you want to have it with a bodyguard around, don’t you?”

Peridot glanced back at Lapis, who was growing more confused by the second bless her simple mind and nodded frantically. Always good to have some muscle on your side when your skills clearly laid more solidly in the mental realm of things. “You’re right! This is the place I want to have this conversation. Please let me go.”

“Nope.” Stevonnie walked to Lapis’s little table, dropping Peridot into the chair, and suddenly whipped out their sword. Lapis gasped, instinctively leaping in front of Peridot, and the small woman’s heart warmed. It looked like Lazuli cared about her after all. Perhaps that long-distance relationship would be on the table. Stevonnie giggled and shook their head. “Don’t worry, it’s a skill of Connie’s. Detecting lies. Say something that’s not true.”

“I have red hair,” she said, and the sword glowed for a moment before flickering out. Lapis raised an eyebrow, just a little bit impressed. “Weird. That’s a magic skill. How did Connie get something like that?”

“Connie is a Knight,” Stevonnie said, a flicker of rage in their voice before they took a calming breath. “Listen, Lapis, the Diamonds are up to some weird stuff. If you let us talk this out, we might be able to get to the bottom of it. I’m half Steven. Do you think someone even half Steven would ever hurt someone you love?”

“No,” she said. There was no uncertainty in her voice, which made Peridot very nervous about the muscle she thought was going to be on her side. The Water Witch knelt and took Peridot’s hand with a nervous smile. “It’ll be alright. You’ve got nothing to hide, right?”

Peridot cringed, squeezing her hand. “I might have left a few things out about why I came to Beach City. But, Lapis, I swear, I haven’t done anything to hurt you! Not on purpose!”

Lapis’s eyes flicked but to the sword, but the thing didn’t glow. At least something nice could come from magic swords. She waited for Lapis to answer, hoping for something heartfelt. Instead, Lapis tenderly cradled her cheeks and kissed her forehead, and Peridot’s eyes filled with grateful tears. They hadn’t been together too long, and Peridot wasn’t great at feelings.

Still, she was pretty sure that was as close as Lapis was going to get to “I love you.” Peridot just hoped that would survive the interrogation.


	17. HIATUS ANNOUNCEMENT

Not a cancellation announcement, just a break.

With the revelation from crew that Peridot is aro/ace, I'd like to take a step back and let everything cool before finishing this story. I don't want to upset people, I don't want to get hate, and, to be honest, I'm not very comfortable writing Peridot as sexual and romantic, which is a pretty decent chunk of her character in this story so far.

I might take a breather for a month or two, wait for the dust to settle, and then come back. Worst case scenario, I will upload the full outline of the story and everything I have so that all of you can get a satisfactory conclusion. But I do fully intend to finish this, just not right now.

Sorry for the break, but thank you for understanding.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to GSKashmir for betaing!  
https://archiveofourown.org/users/GSKashmir/pseuds/GSKashmir


End file.
